Lost's Random Musings: A Look Inside Revisited

Photo by: Mr Blue! I absolutely love it! Wow appeal!

Ever wake up and realize that everything you have known about life and everything in between has all been but an elaborate illusion? All this time you were sure you had it all figured out. What you wanted, what you feared, what you craved. In a matter of seconds '"poof'", disappears into thin air. That once comfortably numb feeling that has kept you sustained for so long is no longer inexistence. A matter a fact you can not even for the life of you remember what it felt like. You almost miss that sensation of comfort not because it was necessarily the ultimate of states one would hope for, but because it was all you have known. Something that was ingrained into psyche maybe even second nature almost. Strangely enough it was not frightening notion, I mean I was not scared per say, more perplexedly at odds with my own senses.  Maybe even confused, disoriented. Like a whole-wind of emotions cast into the blender of life. 

Until now, I had come to accept a few ideas, notions if you will to be fact. Based just on convenience and well just because it was the quickest less complicated resolution at the time.  One of them being there was not going to be anyone who could move me as '"he did'". James has been my vice for more than a year. I mean let's face it he has a way with words, its effect inexplicable.  They sang to me, mystifies me, but honestly what are words without action? Well, basically they would be nothing but mere symbols or marking on a page or in a book. Lifeless and inept to fulfill their promises. I have never claim to be the champion communicator or the most level headed individual, but I do think I know a few things. 

In all fairness, the creation and ultimate demise of the love affair gone wrong was more of a collaborative effort than a single-evenhandedly undertaken endeavor. For it did initiate the shedding of the initial layers of the seemingly impenetrable barrier between me and the world. For this, I will forever be grateful. It will be hard to forget an life altering experience, because it showed me that I was capable of loving again. But in the end, through all the hurt feelings and spent emotions exchanged, it was he who gave me what I needed most at that point in time, he released me, set me free. Thank you, James for your ultimate gift. Not all good things were meant to last. Like the sugary sweets left out in the hot summer day, left to its untimely ending. Stolen moments in time, time that was borrowed can not be kept. Our story was not written in the stars. Fate had different plans for us. I hope destiny comes knocking at your door, and that you will find someone who will give you a reason to move forward without hesitation.

-Lost