Ever had one of those
moments, you know, one of those moments when you struggle to want to give a
part of yourself to another, hoping that
they will take care of it, nurture it? It is during that very moment when one
feels absolutely and utterly vulnerable almost exposed. You are literally holding your breath cringing
at the mere notion. You are staring dead ahead. What lies ahead? This is the
moment of truth, the moment which is inevitable; do I blindly leap forward plunging
head first or turn and run for dear life?
When I woke up this
morning, it hit me! All my senses merging into each other, it almost felt suffocating.
Life as I knew it was nowhere to be seen. Goodbye organized chaos. I scrambled
to get my bearings. I fought to regain my center, clear my thoughts and I was filled
with a varied assortment emotions. It was at that moment I realized I was scared,
afraid of the uneasy conflicting feelings that has come over me yet somehow I
felt relieved. I feel loved yet still aimlessly lost. My mind is open yet my
heart closed.
There has been one and only one person in my life that I have been able to fully trust. Even the thought of trusting someone else like that scares me.
Why do we feel so vulnerable when we trust someone? But paradoxically, if we cannot trust, we cannot find love much less find the happiness we deserve.
Forgive me please, if I seems somewhat dazed and confused…or I am filled with discomfort and a tad uneasy, today.
