A Social Enigma: The Confession of a Social Butterfly

"Flirtation: attention without intention." ~Max O'Relly

I want to talk with you guys about something that has been stirring about my mind as of late. What in the world is Vary talking about, you may be wondering. Well, I am talking about how men and women interact is social settings online and in the real world. In the past, have always categorized myself as a self proclaimed ‘”social butterfly’” more commonly known as a flirt. 

And yes, I am guilty as charged my friends - I am a flirt. Not in a "sexual way," more so in a "southern charm/smile/pour syrup on that sugar way"... that is..When I want to. I don't always want to. Mostly I am cynical and sarcastic. But when necessary, I turn on what we call that "ole southern charm." I personally think that Southern girls learn really early, a wink and a smile will get you far. We draw out our vowels, turn this "sing-songy" voice on which is just an octave or so higher.. bounce around a little more- cock our head to the side, open our eyes a little wider & brighter.

It’s been said that women are natural flirts. You know the one I am talking about. We all know her, the girl who seemly lights up a room when she walks in, she sometimes uses courtship methods such like smiling, flipping their hair and fidgeting with their attire. These enable her to take control when they meet strangers. She often appears as someone who seems to have a carefree heart, and friendly to just about anyone. 

Generally, the initial subconscious flirting gave females time to assess the men. The only time the she might respond negatively would during the incidences where the men talked too much. Nonetheless, in most social settings, women who were the ones that controlled the situation and their physical action had a direct effect on the males. Simple gestures like nodding their heads kept the males talking. I believe that you can predict male behavior from female behavior, but not the other way around.

I’m just that kind of girl who smiles a lot at random strangers. Nine out of ten times you will catch me with a smile pasted on my face. Not a cheesy one, but a 110% confident inspired smile from ear to ear. And it has nothing to do with the need to attract the opposite sex more to do with my overall outlook. Actually - it's flirting. Not with you in a sexual way. It's our nature to make Ya feel good about Ya. We do it with men and women. 

So guys, the next time you see a babe giving you a lingering look or a charming smile, stop yourself and consider that - she might not be interested in you after all.

So, what is my conclusion? The simple rule to follow is be respectful always and flirt responsibly. If you find the overwhelming need to seek attention from others, you should consider that you are not ready for a committed relationship, because honestly, the only attention you should be enjoying is that of your partners.

Lost’s Reflection: In hindsight, flirting to me should have a purpose, it’s a tool for single people to let someone know you like them and maybe even a way for all of us to occasionally get your ego stroked by strangers from time to time; it will boost your confidence and make us a lot more fun to be around, but one word of caution, if you flirt with everyone all the time you will confuse the people you are actually trying to impress or maybe even make your partner uncomfortable wherein causing undue stress and strain in your relationship.

Besides, it is the sending and feeling mixed signals is what landed me in this mess in the first place. What mess you ask? Well, I had befriended someone recently, he was feeling down and had just broken up with his girlfriend so, I was consoling him, being his sounding board and offering him comfort during this low moment in his life. And before you know it, he is confessing to me his interest in pursuing a relationship with me sighting this unbreakable connection he felt we had built. So, unbeknownst to me I had apparently created a potentially uncomfortable situation for the both of us. He later confided in me, telling me that he felt I had sent mix signals giving him the green light to pursue me. Which I swear, I had no clue I did. So, it seems that my friendly outgoing nature subconsciously sent out mixed signals. Which can obviously confused people and lines can be crossed.

Again, there is nothing innately wrong with flirting in general its quite natural, but when it become a high intensity, and interaction things get a little murky and when you flirt with the others, it could comes across as being slightly disrespectful, regardless of whether there is a response. Even if the flirting doesn’t lead to anything more serious, flirting still takes energy away from your relationship and directs it elsewhere. Essentially, it simply is not consistent with what I feel in the best interest of protecting and building relations between a couple and you can mislead or send mix signal to the other person wherein creating an unpleasant situation for all those involved unnecessarily.

Lost Challenge: What kind of flirt are you?

Flirting is often how relationships start — and now there's a new way to tell just what kind of flirt you are.

A study in the on five types of flirting behavior, based on responses from more than 5,020 adults over 18, with an average age of 39.8. Of the sample, 52% were single, never married, and 43% were divorced but no longer in a relationship."The vast majority of the samples are people who would consider themselves to be on the market. The rest are casually dating," says co-author Jeffrey Hall, an assistant professor of communication studies at the University of Kansas in Lawrence. "The flirting styles inventory is for the very first stage of romantic development.""

The study identifies five styles of flirting. Hall says every person uses a combination, but one style may be more dominant.

The most common flirting styles are:

•Physical: People who scored high on this type often develop relationships quickly, have more sexual chemistry and have a greater emotional connection to their partners. The relationships tend to focus more on sexual interest.

•Traditional: These believe men should make the first move and women should not pursue men. Women are more likely to have trouble getting men's attention or to flirt and men take a longer time to approach a women. Both men and women with this style tend to be introverted.

•Polite: The focus is on proper manners and nonsexual communication. People who favor this style are less likely to approach a potential partner and aren't flattered by flirting, but they do tend to have meaningful relationships.

•Sincere: The style most often cited in the study. Relationships involve strong emotional connections and sexual chemistry and are typically meaningful; they are based on creating emotional connections.

•Playful: People favoring the playful style often flirt with little interest in a long-term romance, but they find flirting fun and enhancing to their self-esteem. They are less likely to have important and meaningful relationships and this is the type that is most uncommon.

"One is more effective than another, depending upon what you want to achieve," he says. "For example, a playful flirt is more likely to have short-term relationships. People with a playful style of flirting are effective in having that type of relationship but may find it difficult to let people they're interested in know they want something more."

Take the flirting styles survey: Click here! 

Yes, it is a real survey and to prove it here are my results..kinda funny! Enjoy!!!

*******************Your results are in!********************

This is what your flirting style means for your dating life. For all of these responses, you are compared against other people your same age and sex. The flirting style with the highest score tells you the most about your dating life.

---

50–60%

Physical

0–10%

Traditional

0–10%

Polite

90–100%

Sincere

40–50%

Playful

---

Physical style: physical

You scored higher than 50–60% of other survey takers in your demographic.

For this flirting style, you are very similar to the majority of people. It is not a dominant style for you. This flirting style probably doesn’t play a big role in your flirting behavior.

Traditional style: not at all traditional

You scored higher than 0–10% of other survey takers in your demographic.

You do not believe that men should make the first move and women should not pursue men. You are very unlikely to feel uncomfortable in a flirting situation where a woman takes charge. You tend to be not at all choosey about who you flirt with, and it is very unlikely that you are selective about who you pursue romantic relationships with. In serious relationships, you do not believe that you should know a potential relationship partner for a long time before approaching them. You are very unlikely to seek out important and meaningful romantic relationships.

Polite style: not at all polite

You scored higher than 0–10% of other survey takers in your demographic.

You do not believe that courtship should be cautious and rule-governed. You are very unlikely to use proper manners, non-sexual communication, and less forward behavior during courtship. You tend to be not at all choosey about who you flirt with, and it is very unlikely that you took a long time to get to know someone before you knew you were romantically interested in them. You are very likely to like the singles scene and the way people typically flirt with one another. You are very unlikely to seek out important and meaningful romantic relationships.

Sincere style: very sincere

You scored higher than 90–100% of other survey takers in your demographic.

You are very interested in seeking emotional connection and showing sincere interest when flirting. You find flirting very flattering, and strongly believe that personal and private conversation is the best way to develop romance. When flirting, it is very likely that you are:

• Successful
• Confident
• Able to quickly determine relationship potential

In serious relationships, you are very likely to experience a strong emotional connection and sexual chemistry.

Playful style: playful

You scored higher than 40–50% of other survey takers in your demographic.

For this flirting style, you are very similar to the majority of people. It is not a dominant style for you. This flirting style probably doesn’t play a big role in your flirting behavior.

-Lost N Vicious Reality