First,
you are probably wondering what in the heck a platonic relationship is anyways.
It is common misconception that a platonic relationship as being able to enjoy
each other's company, trust each other, confide in the other person, to speak
freely just about anything that comes to your mind without a concern of being
judged upon etc. That does sound like a good explanation and one may claim that
the question has been answered. But let’s delve deeper into understanding the
notion itself. Does not the above description also hold true for what most of
use consider a normal relationship, whether it is a purely a friendship or a
love affair? So, what makes a platonic relationship from normal friendship? And
what is the difference between a platonic relationship and a love affair?
According
to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, "platonic", which mean
"relating to, or being a relationship marked by the absence of romance or
sex". What does it tell us? That means that you can be in a relationship
with another person and that relationship may as well be called
"platonic" provided that there is no romance or sex between the two
of you. Then difference between simple friendship and a platonic relationship?
Being in a platonic relationship simply means being a good friend with another
person, and even if there is a physical attraction between the two of you,
neither of you crosses that line.
Now let’s ask the age old question, shall
we..CAN men and women be just friends? We have been asking ourselves that
question since the beginning of time, and to most the answer is usually no, but
for me I have always believed that it was possible for a man and women can be
just friends. So, yes, of course there are platonic relationships between men
and women. It is within reason that one can separate the emotional and
intellectual relationship from the physical and sexual aspect that usually
hinders such relationships. A matter a fact it is a very real human capacity. Though
admittedly we as humans are innately very sexual even sensual in nature and
responded to smell, to touch, to taste unconsciously whereby making it instinctually
difficult to distinguish or separated the mix of emotions experienced during interactions
between the sexes for the fabric of our very existence is made up of these very
sensual responses. Life is fundamentally and essentially sensual our senses
play a crucial role in how we experience and react to different stimuli. The
two are very closely interconnected. To say that someone only exists in one capacity
at a time is just plain weird.
Friendships with members of the opposite
sex have been an important part of my life since I went to high school in the
late 1980s, and I hardly think I’m alone. Throughout different stages of my
life, I have had numerous male friends who I considered to be close friends.
And even now one of my closest friends is a man. We know each other well and
have seen and experienced all aspects of friendship that a normal friendship
would entail. He has been my confidant, my best friend and best ally through
the good times and the bad. He has comforted me when I am sad and listens
patiently when I occasionally have an off day. He never judges me for the
things I say. Tells me the truth even if he knows it’s going to not go over
well or maybe won’t even be ready to hear it.
We are in sync and on the same page and more often than not he knows me
better than I know myself.
I would consider myself a woman of the
times, being intelligent, well read, strong-willed, idealistic, and unconventional
and outspoken. And for me, relationships with men, whether or not they involved
sex, had to involve mental companionship, freedom of choice, equality and
mutual respect. Now some might consider this a radical stance or even
unacceptable, but modern feminist’s vision of the political future, friendship
represented its vision of the personal future, the central term of a
renegotiated sexual contract.
Now granted maintaining a platonic
relationship is easier said than done, of course. You are wondering wouldn’t
the sexual urges get in the way. Maybe you’re not attracted to each other.
Maybe you know it would never work out, so it’s not worth screwing up your
friendship. Maybe that’s just not what it’s about. 
So if it’s common now for men and women to
be friends, why do we so rarely see it in popular culture? My subjective
opinion is that it boils down to a narrative problem. Friendships are not courtships;
they don’t have a beginning, middle and an end. Storylines about friendships of
any kind are relatively rare, especially given what a huge place the
relationships have in our lives. And of course, they’re just not exciting and
have no sex appeal. But place a man and a woman together in a movie or a novel,
and we expect the sparks to fly. Yet it isn’t just a narrative problem, or a societal
issue, because let’s face it generally the notion of love that isn’t based on
sex or romance isn’t popularized in our society. We don’t go out seeking love and affection
from others. You rarely hear about songs about friendships. We more apt at understanding
romantic relationships, and we understand family, and that’s about all we seem
to understand. Friendship between the sexes may no longer be a political issue,
but it is an issue of liberation: the freedom to love whom you want, in the way
that you want. Maybe it’s time that we all took it out of the closet.
Lost's Challenge: How to remain friends with someone you have obvious romantically inclined feelings towards:
Here are a few things I will keep in mind as I try to overcome the hurdles of stay
friends, here are 10 things you need to keep in mind.
1.
Be open to the possibilities of tension. Unless you or your
platonic friend is gay, there is always the possibility of sparks with someone
of the opposite sex who thinks and feels like you do. It's nature's way of
getting us together and it tends to run in overdrive for some more than others.
2. Create clear ground
rules.
Avoid getting into the "friends first" difficulty. If you both agreed
that having a relationship was off the cards for such reasons as married
status, work or study pressures, distance, religion, etc., the
"potential" for a romantic affiliation hangs there unspoken. It is
much better to make it clear that you have a friendship that matters, in which
both of you care for one another in a sibling-like manner by watching out for
one another and spending time together but that friendship is all it remains.
3.
Trust yourselves. All the "possibilities" aside,
have trust in your decision. Nature and societal pressures are not determinants
of you, your friend, or your choices. You are responsible for your own choices
and the decision to make the relationship platonic is your clear-cut choice.
Believe in it for what it is and trust both of you to fulfill the platonic compact.4
4. Consider all the
benefits of a platonic relationship. It helps to remember what is gained by
remaining platonic rather than ever being tempted to throw that away in a
moment of romantic weakness. The benefits of platonic friendships include:
T a. They endure because you
trust one another and share a lot together at a spiritual, emotional and shared
experiences level
b. You aren't plagued by
the intimacy of romantic love and sexual relations, with all the accompanying
doubts, jealousies, complications, etc.
c. Neither of you need to
perform in front of one another; you are who you are
d.You can learn about the
opposite sex from one another in a safe and uncompromising way
e. Both of you benefit from
each other's perspectives on challenges facing you in relations with other
people
f. There is always someone
you can go to for genuine, fearless, and forthright advice - platonic
friendships tend to have a quality that transcends the often unspoken
competitive and conforming needs of same gender friendships
5. Reassure others who
might be impacted by your platonic relationship. Where there are
partners, spouses, lovers, etc., involved, it can be helpful to clear the air
with them early on about the nature of your platonic friendship. Do likewise
for your platonic friend's other half where politic. Stay out of potentially
compromising situations, such as being at their apartment late at night without
your spouse's knowledge/agreement. Acknowledge that sometimes the
partner's
concerns about your platonic relationship can be the hardest part of
maintaining a platonic friendship. Your spouse needs to know that
(a)
you aren't talking or complaining about them,
(b)
you will be open with your spouse about what you say and do with your platonic
friend,
(c)
there will be no secretive actions, and
(d)
you will not let the platonic friend supplant the relationship you have with
your spouse.6
6. Be realistic. It just may well be that
some of the deliberately suppressed tension in your relationship is what
provides both of you with the spark to make it work so well. This
never-fulfilled but potential reality can be the source of incredible
creativity, discovery, and problem-solving when the two of you work together on
something. While you should never act on it, it is sometimes worth
acknowledging to yourself that this does form part of what makes the platonic
friendship work so well.
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