Lost is officially Confused! After, never being able to remain connected with my past, I thought it high time I tried to widen my horizon and think a little outside the proverbial box. Why not, I thought to myself. If two people connected so deeply on every level, why not? Why couldn't we remain friends? Why does the other think that they still harbor alternatives for retaining communication? Could it not be that you genuinely value the friendship and the inseparable connection between the two of you. I have seen through the veil past the walls he erected to ward off all others. I saw the man who he was, and i saw the little boy inside yearning to play freely. We met under the most random of situations and when I was far more innocent and less skeptical. He swept me off my feet, blindsided me with ways. I might even go as far as to say he stole my innocence. We were alike in many ways, in the ways we thought, or views, our passion for writing, he challenged me, accepted me as I truly was. Saw the many sides of me without ever once placing judgement and making me inferior. What we really shared was beyond what mere words could describe. I can't define nor do I want to attempt to, because mere words could never suffice or do it justice. Though the relationship fell short of becoming anything more than a lovely notion, we will forever be ingrained within each other for whatever it was can not be undone, nor do I wish it to be undone. I have said it before and I will say it again, when I love I love fully and all my heart and never with any regrets. That is who I am, and that is who I alway will be.
Having said that all, you are probably as confused as I am now, but wait let me get to the point. Yes, there is a point to my madness, silly! I had this conversation with him randomly outta the blue and he couldn't understand why I would still want to continue conversing after all that has been said and done. And I simply replied that I genuinely value our connection and felt that we could attempt to salvage it, if he was so inclined. And to my surprise he starts this mile long monologue about how felt about me, how I impacted his life and such. I was floored really, didn't know how to respond. The things he said are not things you say about an ex really. They are usually some things you say about a lover or someone special. I know that words are words and nothing more sometimes. And they don't speak louder than action and commitment, but I could feel the emotions and I sensed him. Does that sound weird? Maybe it does a little, but still.. I knew he had meant what he had said, because on many occasions he has express these very feeling with me. But was I surprised he was still harboring these feelings with me, to be honest yes, and only because we think differently when it comes to love and such. Love always accompanies commitment to me, its a natural progression of emotions and feelings.How can you love someone without wanting to commit to that person. If I love you, I want to be with you and commit to moving in a direction where both of you are together. Why would be say all these things to me, after I told him that I had not inklings to rekindle the romance or the relationship. Why go out of your way to tell me how you feel about me or how you still essentially love me as you once did.. that you feel that you will never meet anyone like me and I was your 1 and billion chance of happiness?? Why throw that in the mix?
Seriously, word to the wise, don't try to confuse a lost person! The end result can be catastrophic! lol okay thats me being dramatic. With all kidding aside, cmon now I wasn't born yesterday or I am not a mind reader, say what you mean and mean what you say.Don't talk in riddle, just because you think you can candy coat and beautify a complicated situation, doesn't make it easier for other to interpret. Oh, ffs! Speak plainly and clearly..don't forget its me you are talking to not someone who doesn't know who you are and how you dance around topics like its the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, FUK!-Lost N Vicious Reality
No comments:
Post a Comment