“Unconditional love is the kind of love that you have for a person not in spite of, but because of their flaws.”
Perhaps it’s time to reframe the idea of “unconditional romantic love” in more moderate terms. The concept may be more attainable if it’s viewed as something that endures despite unfavorable circumstances. In this case, you wouldn’t ask yourself or a partner to disregard the relationship’s realities, but instead to look at it as the glue that helps you work through obstacles together or strive to compromise with each other in mutually satisfying ways while respecting each other’s pre-set limits and boundaries. With that in mind, you can truly be free to love with all your heart.
Unconditional love is love that is free. You are never really free to love when you have attachments that keep you from loving freely. You hold back from expressing love because of rejection, you hold back from expressing love because it is not reciprocated. When you allow yourself to love unconditionally, you are not afraid of rejection. You love fearlessly and freely without needing anything back. The most liberating kind of love is the carefree kind of love. It is giving of yourself freely and not holding back.
Whilst it’s nice to know there will be love and forgiveness no matter what, you need to know your partner cares enough to get upset if you cross the line you need to know that your partner has enough self-respect to have limits, and that if a limit is crossed, there will be negative consequences. More often than not, people lose respect for each other when these boundaries aren’t established. If you don’t set these clear boundaries, it can be an unspoken invitation for your partner to walk all over you… not unlike a doormat. Truly unconditional love to the point of overlooking personal slights and infringements upon one’s well-being can be dangerous. Unconditional romantic love is always unhealthy… to say, ‘I love you regardless of what you do or say to me’ is absurd. Not only is it unhealthy for the one loving unconditionally, it’s also unhealthy for the one on the receiving end. It creates a false ideology. It isn’t acceptable for one to be completely selfish, putting my own needs and desires above my partner’s at all times. In unconditional love-based relationships, the receivers often stagnate in their own personal growth and development by having their narcissistic egocentrism constantly reinforced.
The key thing to remember here is that love, unconditional or otherwise, isn’t supposed to hurt. Remember that you deserve to be happy, too. So while facing a barrage of hurtful things happening within a relationship, I don’t question the idea that people do choose to love unconditionally; the more important question becomes, why would you? Think it is important to remember that whilst love does blind people initially to their mate’s flaws, over time, the reverse happens people eventually come to expect and overlook the good.
Final note: Remember that no one can complete you or make you happy per say, they can only compliment or accentuate your happiness and share in your happiness. You can not give something you do not possess yourself. So, though it may be a long and lonely journey don't rush into any situation blindly. Know yourself and your own limitations. If you are not ready or able to give 110% of yourself to your relationship or partner, take the high road. And someday, when you least expect it, destiny will comma knocking and life, love and everything in between will come full circle. Till then be happy!
Ever looked back on a past relationship and wondered, “OMG, how could I have not seen that coming?” Well, cut yourself some slack, because there may actually be a biological force in play in addition to your emotions. It is believed that that romantic love may actually be suppressed by the brain waves associated with critical social assessment of other people and negative emotions. In other words, once you get close to a person or once you find yourself falling in love, your brain has a reduced need to assess the nature of that person’s character and resists harboring any negative emotions towards him or her. That is right, you read me correctly. One can be literally blinded by love.
The problem here is that blind love can make someone unwilling or unable to see the realities of a poorly matched partner from the outset. Often, this results in one person getting blindsided later on in the relationship that outside observers intuited as an inevitable outcome. I think we all have asked ourselves at one point or another age old question, ‘”If one really loves another, does that mean you love them not matter what? Whilst most would probably be most inclined to answer off the top of our heads that true love should be completely unconditional, when you really analyze this issue, the reality is that there have to be boundaries in order for two people to exist healthily in a reciprocal and loving partnership.
In the early stages of relationship many of us would say that their love for one another is unconditional. There is much talk of loving each other regardless of flaws and finding the "perfect partner." I know that some experts may disagree with the idea of unconditional love between partners citing issues of co-dependency and enmeshment, but in my view, a great relationship has an element of love and affection for one another that supersedes any faults or flaws. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I believe that love, even between two souls bound together, can and should be unconditional. Which implies love without bounds, limits or reason; in other words, a love that will stay exactly the way it is today, regardless of any upcoming circumstances or changes in either of the people involved within the relationship. In reality, this implies a love forged by unbreakable bonds which will remain strong, regardless of whether it’s returned or not.
Typically, the term is associated with relationships between a parent and a child or other family member. You may fight like cats and dogs, but that basic love and lasting bond will never be changed. But some of us might beg to defer on that one. Because let’s face it even relationships between family members isn’t as sacred as some would think. Though ideally, of course it should be.
However, when this concept is applied to romantic love, things seem to get a little blurred. If love is given completely without any conditions attached, then forgiveness for any and all transgressions or slights can be reasonably expected at all times, and without question. By this definition, you are in effect saying you will be willing to tolerate whatever comes along whether good or bad, because you love the person, regardless of how healthy or unhealthy the relationship is for either partner.
For most of us, romantic love means being in a relationship with someone that is mutually rewarding, pleasurable and beneficial. If anything ever happens to change those conditions, that romantic love can and often does fade. It’s different for everyone, depending on your temperament and your romantic history or reference point.” As long as those basic understandings are being met, a couple can love each other ‘unconditionally’ without losing anything in the process. It’s only when those basic conditions start to break down that the rationality and logic behind “unconditional love” should be challenged.
Though, the rational side of me firmly believes that love without some conditions is a sure fire recipe for disaster and, most likely one would find oneself in emotional free-fall. With that in mind, we decided to delve further into this issue in order to ascertain how you can love with all your heart while still keeping your head on straight.
Perhaps it’s time to reframe the idea of “unconditional romantic love” in more moderate terms. The concept may be more attainable if it’s viewed as something that endures despite unfavorable circumstances. In this case, you wouldn’t ask yourself or a partner to disregard the relationship’s realities, but instead to look at it as the glue that helps you work through obstacles together or strive to compromise with each other in mutually satisfying ways while respecting each other’s pre-set limits and boundaries. With that in mind, you can truly be free to love with all your heart.Unconditional love is love that is free. You are never really free to love when you have attachments that keep you from loving freely. You hold back from expressing love because of rejection, you hold back from expressing love because it is not reciprocated. When you allow yourself to love unconditionally, you are not afraid of rejection. You love fearlessly and freely without needing anything back. The most liberating kind of love is the carefree kind of love. It is giving of yourself freely and not holding back.
When you love unconditionally, you are simply following your heart while having detachment from results. Conditions are attachment to results. You may desire to have things go a certain way with someone or something. But when you unconditionally love and accept what is, even if it does not happen the way you intend it to happen, then you create the conditions by which the essence of what you truly desire can happen because it is no longer a requirement for it to happen, but it is free to spring forth.
Realistically, when certain actual conditions are missing in a relationship, the love disappears and the relationship will dissolve and in order for a mature love to sustainable and flourish, the conditions for supplying five essential human needs must be met including appreciation, respect, compassion, trust and companionship. If any of these is compromised by lies, neglect, rudeness, unnecessary criticism, stubbornness or secrets, then the love is no longer grounded. Unconditional love is the idea that our affection for each other is not based on a certain set of behaviors or characteristics.
The key thing to remember here is that love, unconditional or otherwise, isn’t supposed to hurt. Remember that you deserve to be happy, too. So while facing a barrage of hurtful things happening within a relationship, I don’t question the idea that people do choose to love unconditionally; the more important question becomes, why would you? Think it is important to remember that whilst love does blind people initially to their mate’s flaws, over time, the reverse happens people eventually come to expect and overlook the good.
Final note: Remember that no one can complete you or make you happy per say, they can only compliment or accentuate your happiness and share in your happiness. You can not give something you do not possess yourself. So, though it may be a long and lonely journey don't rush into any situation blindly. Know yourself and your own limitations. If you are not ready or able to give 110% of yourself to your relationship or partner, take the high road. And someday, when you least expect it, destiny will comma knocking and life, love and everything in between will come full circle. Till then be happy!
-Lost
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