First, I am so sorry for the things I said. I know that I hurt you deeply and if in fact you feel that this situation that we find ourselves is not repairable or is something that you don’t feel is worth the effort, I can respect that and accept that.
I think I was lying to myself thinking I could make this work. I think I maybe too far gone for repair or at least just not in the rate in which you need me to. I am damaged goods if you will. Not because you are in anyway a disappointment. You are in no way or could ever disappoint me as I have obliviously managed to do all on my own without any assistance from anyone. You are and have always been forthcoming with your emotions and feelings. This is something I have always yearned for and even dreamed about all my life. I even crave for and need, but I just don’t know how to let go of this overwhelming fear of letting go and letting you in. To be honest, before I met you I was pretty content in being alone for the remaining years on this lifetime. Because it has always been easier just to shut down emotionally completely for the past 7 years. I have not been able to cry for quite some time. It’s just tragic really when I think about it. I spent my entire pregnancy alone and crying with my heart literally bleeding out any remints of emotions until nothing was left, but this ice princess that you see before you. But in all fairness to my ex, our relationship didn’t have a chance. Because you see my heart has turned to ice completely frozen through and has been a barren and lifeless as frozen tundra you see before it ever started.
I haven’t been completely forthcoming about my sorted past. It’s quite tragic and sad. Something that has haunted me and it represents a very dark period in my existence. I have a confession you see I have been living with more than my fair share of skeletons in my closet. Secrets those are just too unbearable and ultimately shameful to admit. It was just easier to deny they ever existed than rather than explaining to you for fear of what you would say or even if you would stay. Maybe if you knew you wouldn’t even have expended as much emotions and time with me or us.
When you came crashing into my life 3 weeks ago, it wasn’t long before you left me dumb founded and intrigued by your blinding charm and inviting charisma. Having tasted nectar so sweet and intoxicating desirable, and soon you engulfed me whole as if to quench this insatiable thirst that I had long denied myself for nearly a decade. I never once doubted you character or your feelings for me. Rather I doubt my own ability to transition at the pace that you so desperately want me to. You deserve so much more; you deserve someone who will be able to love you fully and openly without hesitation or reservation. I have been selfish to hold you back by asking you to do something that seemly to be impossible for me to do. My mind and body wish to spend an eternity by your side. I would surrender my soul to a lifetime of servitude as a captive in your heart. I so desperately want to be the one to give you want you deserve and wish to be the one to share your life with. I have no right to hold you back. For if I attempted to do so, not only would I be doing you a grave disfavor, but I would be violating my principles and not living up to the purity and trust that was entrust in me.
Above all please remember that you are nothing short of perfect and this is something that you should recognize. Never doubt or question how you love or even how you convey your emotions. The fluidity of which you expressed your emotions was simply incredible! I could feel the layers of ice melting, I know you could feel the almost electrifying energy and static that simmers and ignites the flame. I cannot in good conscience ask you to continue to settle for something short of what you deserve, but it pains me to think about the idea of life without you. For I know in my heart of hearts I would be lost and out of my element. I would like ask you to forgive me for my emotionally charged and irrational behavior. I am sorry I never meant to cause any pain. I know I did not do a very good job of expressing myself so far, but I promise that I will try to learn to open up and how to express my feelings openly with you. The undeniable fact remains that I crazy in love with you! And I want to spend the rest of my life loving to you!
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