Dreaming with my eye wide open...

Have you ever found yourself drifting away? 

Drifting to somewhere distant without ever leaving your seat? 

An escape, a quick journey to an imaginary land. 

Somewhere to achieve that quick release from all the stress of the day? 

Join me won't you in a journey to enlightenment and utter bliss. 

There we will skip along hand in hand through the green rain forest laughing all the while. 

No worries, no cares, and without ever saying a word, share a moment of serenity and Ultimate peacefulness as we watch the raindrops gracefully ascends from the heavens above. 

With each rain ascends our hearts fill up with a joy and contentment:)

Have a blessed day of complete satisfaction and wholeness, my friend!

If I could fly……….

If I could fly, I would spread my wings.

I would soar amongst the heavens above.

As far as the eye can see,

As high as the clouds would lift me,

How blissfully beautiful it would be

To feel the air whisking through my hair

Like a fine tooth comb gently gliding through my long black hair.

What an amazing feast for the eyes

To see the colors of the sky

Light up the night as if on fire.

What an absolute delight.

I would choose to loose myself if only for a moment.

Above the cloud, among the stars is where I stay

Far away from the insanity that ensues below.

                                                 

Sometimes you have to look beyond what you see........

Sometimes you have to look beyond what you see 
To find the truth that which you seek.

Not all that you see is what it seems at first glance.

The truth sometimes is clouded by

Images of lust, thoughts of impure ideas,

Fueled by mistrust and just plain ingnorance

What are we, but vessels of pure emotion?

The obvious is merely too simple for the naked eye to perceive.

Reality is, but an illusion of what we want to see and hear.

This darken reflection of what I crave is nothing more than a merciful lie.

You betray me with your eyes, you deceive me with your smile.

I love how you make me feel, but loathe what you make me do.  

Who are you? Why are you here?

Now ,I close my eyes in blind faith 
As I walk now into the blissful illusion 
That I have come to accept as reality....

Lost on the Verge of Coming Unglued!

Why is it that things never work out the way you want them to? I wonder sometimes it isn't a conspiracy of sorts. When you envision something so awesome, it all seems so perfectly thought out, I mean methodical to the tee. Granted, I slightly being presumptuous and not taking into account that life doesn't always go your way you want and need it to. Always keeping in mind that I must be prepared to accept the good with the bad as it comes, but I just get frustrated at times. You expend an excessive amount of invaluable energy to ensure the plan unfolds just right, but it seems not everyone got the memo or maybe they just don't get it.

I realize that I can be a  demanding person at times, but these milestones and standards I demand from myself as well, just ask anyone that really knows me if you have any doubt:) I take ownership in all my projects and endevours, because it reflects upon me and my abilities! I treat people like I want to be treated that are only fair, I think! We have this huge meeting with the Advisory Board tomorrow and I did my part and now I have to pick up other team members slack.

Honestly, I truly prefer to work alone on projects for this very reason! But that isn't always the case, especially on this project. I am not doing the bulk of the translating and have chose to delegate the work to other, because I felt like I was spreading myself to thin.I wanted to concentrate one the material development and formulation of the case studies. Besides, I did all the preliminary leg work on this project not to mention the countless hours I spent on the project proposal.

Okay, I am complaining, I know! But I like to call it venting, such a nicer way to put it:) I feel this great sense of relief just getting that off my chest. Now, I will sit back patiently and wait for people to do their work so, I can get on with mine:)

Still smiling even though I am a bit arhhhhh!

Lost Out of Her Element.....

First, I am so sorry for the things I said. I know that I hurt you deeply and if in fact you feel that this situation that we find ourselves is not repairable or is something that you don’t feel is worth the effort, I can respect that and accept that.

I think I was lying to myself thinking I could make this work. I think I maybe too far gone for repair or at least just not in the rate in which you need me to. I am damaged goods if you will. Not because you are in anyway a disappointment. You are in no way or could ever disappoint me as I have obliviously managed to do all on my own without any assistance from anyone.  You are and have always been forthcoming with your emotions and feelings.  This is something I have always yearned for and even dreamed about all my life.  I even crave for and need, but I just don’t know how to let go of this overwhelming fear of letting go and letting you in. To be honest, before I met you I was pretty content in being alone for the remaining years on this lifetime. Because it has always been easier just to shut down emotionally completely for the past 7 years. I have not been able to cry for quite some time. It’s just tragic really when I think about it. I spent my entire pregnancy alone and crying with my heart literally bleeding out any remints of emotions until nothing was left, but this ice princess that you see before you. But in all fairness to my ex, our relationship didn’t have a chance.  Because you see my heart has turned to ice completely frozen through and has been a barren and lifeless as frozen tundra you see before it ever started.

I haven’t been completely forthcoming about my sorted past. It’s quite tragic and sad. Something that has haunted me and it represents a very dark period in my existence.  I have a confession you see I have been living with more than my fair share of skeletons in my closet. Secrets those are just too unbearable and ultimately shameful to admit. It was just easier to deny they ever existed than rather than explaining to you for fear of what you would say or even if you would stay. Maybe if you knew you wouldn’t even have expended as much emotions and time with me or us.

When you came crashing into my life 3 weeks ago, it wasn’t long before you left me  dumb founded and intrigued by your blinding charm and inviting charisma. Having tasted nectar so sweet and intoxicating desirable, and soon you engulfed me whole as if to quench this insatiable thirst that I had long denied myself for nearly a decade. I never once doubted you character or your feelings for me. Rather I doubt my own ability to transition at the pace that you so desperately want me to. You deserve so much more; you deserve someone who will be able to love you fully and openly without hesitation or reservation. I have been selfish to hold you back by asking you to do something that seemly to be impossible for me to do. My mind and body wish to spend an eternity by your side. I would surrender my soul to a lifetime of servitude as a captive in your heart. I so desperately want to be the one to give you want you deserve and wish to be the one to share your life with. I have no right to hold you back. For if I attempted to do so, not only would I be doing you a grave disfavor, but I would be violating my principles and not living up to the purity and trust that was entrust in me.

Above all please remember that you are nothing short of perfect and this is something that you should recognize. Never doubt or question how you love or even how you convey your emotions. The fluidity of which you expressed your emotions was simply incredible!  I could feel the layers of ice melting, I know you could feel the almost electrifying energy and static that simmers and ignites the flame.  I cannot in good conscience ask you to continue to settle for something short of what you deserve, but it pains me to think about the idea of life without you.  For I know in my heart of hearts I would be lost and out of my element. I would like ask you to forgive me for my emotionally charged and irrational behavior.  I am sorry I never meant to cause any pain.  I know I did not do a very good job of expressing myself so far, but I promise that I will try to learn to open up and how to express my feelings openly with you. The undeniable fact remains that I crazy in love with you! And I want to spend the rest of my life loving to you!

Time Does Not Stand.....

Time indeed heals most wounds,

But why now do you want to speak those words to me?

"I loved you then and I love you still!" He says in a somber voice.

What is it is you want me to say? What is it you want me to do?

There was a point in time that I would have loved you unconditionally forever.

There was a place in my heart that lay empty for a very long while when you walked away.

The tears that once flowed freely in morning of the love that I once lost,

Flows no more for this heart of mine bleeds no more.

What was not meant to be, will never be!

I hope that if anyone understands me more, it would be you.

Because what we did share cannot be utter with mere words.

My heart that once belonged to you, has always loved you and will always love you.

Just not in the way that souls are bound together by an ultimate love for eternity.

God blessed our union with a gift of life, a gift that shines in the eyes of our son.

Please understand that these words I speak today are not in efforts to hurt you.

I hope in time you will understand and accept that time cannot stand still not even for love.

Life goes on, people move on, I have moved on.

Lost in Pink Bliss.....

If these intricately sublime moment of sheer bliss that consumes me whole is but a mere daydream,

I wish never to awake for if I could only linger in this very moment for eternity,

I would surrender my mind, body and soul to a lifetime of enslavement with you as my capture.

You seduce me with your words like a skilled master uses his tools to vividly paint images

These images they playfully dance about around in my placid mind.

As I close my eyes, I can almost hear the sound of your voice

Echoing so profoundly almost drowning out the chaotic world around me

I want to lose myself in loving you......

-Lost

Blind Even though Now I Can See

Love as I have come to know it, has a tendency to be blind
So simple, so sweet, and so simply divine.
Love is the cure to what ails a broken heart and mends bridges that once divide,
Drives usually level headed individual to sheer acts of madness.
Inspires the visionless to achieve ambition beyond their wildest dreams
Warms the coldest of hearts and draws together the most distant of souls.
Brings joy and laughter to a lifeless stale marriage,
What secrets of the universe does love hold for you?
Close your eyes open your heart, embrace life and love will surely follow.

Say No More......

Breathless in anticipation, in rapture of the very contemplation of what
Sinfully wicked deceit lies behind those mystifying eyes.
So captivating is the bitter sweet reverberation passing through your luscious lips.
My susceptible heart desires to believe again, 

But my conscious cannot turn a blind eye.
Empty gaze, darken soul...broken promises, meaningless words...
Once loyal and true has turned tainted and undeserving
As I bid you farewell, I will say no more as I walk out the door......

My Dirty Little Secret

There is something I keep locked faraway

I dare not utter the truth aloud,

For fear of what you would say.

Would you look at me in the same adoring way?

Would your feelings for me hold true?

Oh, if you only knew, my dirty little secret.

Would you turn and run away,

Or would you choose to stay?

I have kept this secret so long,

What more can I say?

Something I keep locked faraway,

I wish I could wash away.

There is something I keep locked away,

For now my dirty little secret is here to stay!

We are all a sum of our past experiences and some of them darker than others. What some considered damaged goods is in my opinion refurbished goods. Many a civilizations has been rebuilt from the ground up after total destruction and the near demise of once a great empire. If this is possible, then anything is possible. Never judge a book by simply glancing at just the cover. You must take the time to discover the many hidden chapters that lay beneath the fancy hard cover to find the heart and soul of the book!