Reality Check: Monday's Killers

Stand in line because this cookie has had enough! Blah

Can you imagine the headlines? Hard worker, she was, but not even Vary could have survived a crappy a day like today! 

Being able to say "no" has always been hard for me. I believe that if I am able to help someone, why shouldn't.  As women, we want to be nurturing, helpful, and accommodating. But – not being able to say no can also lead to be overloaded, exhausted, and resentful.

Do you find yourself in situation where you find it difficult to say no? I think we all have been situations where we find ourselves compromising to avoid confrontation or to appease others. Whether it be in a job setting with your boss or colleague or in our personal lives with friends or family. Sometimes, for lack of a better resolution a lot of us wish that the person we are in conflict with, or feel intimidated by, would change. Then everything would be all right. We've all heard this from a colleague, friend, partner and even said it ourselves: 'If only he'd listen to me, then I wouldn't be so frightened.' 'If only she'd stop complaining about my work, I'd be much happier.''

'If only' puts the onus on the other person to change how and who they are and makes them responsible for how we feel. By using some of the tools outlined above, people can get a sense of being in charge of situations, rather than being victims to what other people want.

For me its kinda hard to say no, because I am a naturally giving person who want to help and please others, but it's getting to the point where people don't seem to be able to manage their own task without my assistance which is not necessarily bad, but it's getting unmanageable because I have inadvertently created codependency situation. I am starting to have difficulty handling and completing my task on time .I am having to renegotiate deadlines and manipulating schedules, but those are all temporary fixes for a much larger dilemma. 

Ever had one of those days where it seemed everyone was out to get a piece of you? I might be feeling a bit sensitive as of late, but holy cow! Suppose all those carefree days could have been a precursor to the beginning of the end. Or maybe it"s because I have been oblivious or I have maybe even been in denial or the true state of disarray? Either way this week was a test of wills and proved to be a complete challenge for me as self-proclaimed multi-tasking novice.  I have long since basked in the sun of being able to juggle a few menial tasks with little or no effort, but it seems that my days are numbered.  I am finding that I am spending way too much time and efforts trying to cover all the bases. I have to learn how to recognize my own limitations.

Reality is kicking in and giving me a run for my money. I really need to make some changes in the way I manage my life and need to make clear separations in worklife and my personal life. I really need to learn to say no more and not endlessly help colleagues with their projects even though I am swamped with my own duties just because they know I would never turn down an opportunity to help, because my plate is overflowing and I am finding myself endlessly overextended to different projects and different organizations despite my already hectic schedule. 

It does seem to be part of human nature to blame others when things go wrong in our lives, or when we're feeling hard done by. If you take away the 'if only' excuse you also take away the need to blame and make the other person wrong. It's also rather wonderful to think that rather than waiting for someone else to change to make things alright  we all have the ability to take charge of most situations and make them all right for ourselves.

But seriously, the challenge for me now is how do I go about being assertive without changing essentially who I am, because I pride myself in being helpful and think it's an unspoken obligation for certain relationships to be emotionally and physically supportive ?

While it will be difficult to say "no" the first couple of times, I eventually got used to it and realize that being assertive does not necessarily equate to being "mean." It will take a while, but I noticed that it is quite natural and okay to be selfish sometimes for the sake of my own sanity.

What also makes it easier is that we all just have to get better at 'the art of saying no'; none of us has to change our whole personalities to create a more satisfying outcome!

                                                   -Lost n Vicious Reality