Lost's Random Musings: Get Real or Get Lost!!

IT'S PUT UP OR SHUT UP TIME: A TASTE OF REALITY, LOST STYLE!

Ffs, get that disconcerting, bewildered look off your face, will yeah? I may be a slightly different shade of Lost, but still the same ole Lost none the less!!!

Truth be told, I have what you would call a vividly colorful and vibrant personality. And some might even go as far as to call it big..no no immensely vast!  It doesn't quite fit into my sometimes reserved damener. In fact, I have spent the majority of my life feeling like I was just too much over the top, and I many have tried to tame me and extinguish the flaming red essence of who I am.  Even gone as far as to shushed numerous occasions and have been told I am just too loud by of all people my mother.  I have made friends in the most unlikely of places and situations such as on buses, whilst waiting in line at restrooms and grocery stores. Friends and family have called me bizarre, and worse, disconcerting.  I spent years trying to change myself and become the person others wanted me to be in desperate attempt to just blend in.  You may be asking yourself, did it work? Did I succeed? Well, thank goodness for small favors, it has not, because folks, for me to deny or alter my behavior would just end up making me miserable.  And you know what! I love who I am and would never dream of changing who I am for the sake of pleasing others that would only be living a lie and ultimately denying who I really am deep down inside. I am who I am and not going to apologies for not being able to fit into that neat and tidy box that some would like me to conform to.  There are many people who love and appreciate me exactly the way I am, the free spirit who is always cheerful, engagingly loud, ridiculously happy, and immensely open-minded, vividly imaginative and creative, frankly honest, holistically spiritual, and a tad weird….maybe borderline plain bizarre.

Some say that our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, but rather it is the inate fear of the potiential power we have within our reach. Something that may seem beyond our own wildest imaginations and this, my dear cannot be measured.  We often ask ourselves, Who am I to be ? …Smart, dazzling, stunningly beautiful, gifted, simply amazing? There is nothing more shameful than adapting to playing the part that was dictated to you by society or your peers in the name of fitting in or conforming to the norm. You in fact are doing not only the world an injustice, but you are denying the who it is you were meant to be.. Let your inner vibrancy shine and watch it light up the world around you. Encourage others to do the same by celebrate your individuality and promote diversity one person at a time. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

,

Lost's Random Musings: The Into

IT'S PUT UP OR SHUT UP TIME: LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

MAKING YOUR RELATIONSHIP A PRIORITY FROM THE START

The majority of relationships start on a good note when attention and affection is given on an almost daily basis.  Both partners often listen to each other at least in the getting to know you stage, enjoy each other’s company and make time for one another.  As time passes, the honeymoon stage begins to fade and the initial excitement and fun starts to wane.  Life sets in and our sole focus, understandably, is no longer on one another.

It’s perfectly normal that the honeymoon phase cannot be maintained indefinitely.  The reality is that we all have competing priorities that we which we have to learn to constantly balance.  The problem isn’t that we no longer are the sole focus of one another's world. The problem happens when we take our relationships for granted to such a degree that we move from the sole focus to barely being a blip on one another's screen.   

The slow, steady process of distancing, distraction, busyness, competing obligations and exhaustion does not manifest itself overnight.  Throw physical distance and the time difference into the mix and that once hot, all-encompassing relationship is now a slow, smoldering ember which is in danger of soon burn out if not addressed.

The easiest way to keep your relationships great is to pay attention.  Your relationship should always be a priority--not the only priority, but definitely a main priority.  This should show up in your actions not just words. Just because you say it’s so, doesn’t make it so. 

I want to highlight a few things that I found interesting and might even be useful to you also. There are a few steps you can take incorporate into your life that will help make the journey to building a positive relationship with your partner.

Let’s get real guys!!! FFS!!!! Pay attention to each other by nurturing relationship. Feed the flames and enable the embers to continuously burn. If you feed the flames, the embers will keep you warm on a brisk summer night. If you neglect it, you will soon find yourself alone in the dark wondering wtf happened....

It’s also just courteous to check in with each other making sure to share your day with your partner as often as possible several days a week if not daily.  Ensure you remain interested in theirs and share yours.  Silence does not bode well for intimacy. I don't believe it's to much to ask, do you?

And ensure you make time for each other schedule dates, talk times, and spend time one on one.  This is what brought you together in the first place.  Get back to the basics. 

And ummm believe it or not your presence is required so be there!  Shut off all technology every night at a reasonable time and give one another your undivided attention.  Would you be ignoring her/him on your first date? 

Always be respectful to each other. Treat your partner as though you admire them and respect their opinions.   Show them you only have eyes for them. It’s not only disrespectful to flirt, but it’s just plain rude.

Building a positive mutually beneficial relationship with your partner can at trying at times and even seem impossible. Let's be honest with ourselves now, nothing in  life that is worth anything comes without a little effort and why should relationships be any different.

Don't get me wrong, by no means should the said journey be so painful or hurt to the point where it becomes unbearable. No one is asking you to endure a relationship if you feel that you are sailing without a captain or crew, you know what I mean, jellybean?

I think as trying as it may seem at times as long as you both are committed to grow and nurture your relationship on a daily basis, the building of a positive relationship with your loved one can also be quite easy.  Do yourself a favor and pay attention to your relationship from the start; it’s the best way to avoid a potentially painful ending.

LOST’S CHALLENGE:  If you have good relationship that you want to hold on to, ffs pay attention to it! Before it's too late!!!

Lost's Random Musings: Part III

IT'S PUT UP OR SHUT UP TIME: THERE'S NO “ME” IN “WE”! DAMMIT!

The subtle, but necessary transition away from the being single: Making Our Relationships a Priority in Our Lives

Before you say anything, I know I mention most of this in part I, but FFS I still would like to revisit this topic since...Let's face it folks! This is a BIG ISSUE for me as I am sure it is other's of you out there. 

Come on guys! FFS Is it really that hard to comprehend????

Okay, let's just look at it from  a simple stance, shall we? 

Paying close attention to our core relationships can be one of the hardest things to do in our lives today. It can seem as though every day is wrought with a choice between relationships and other obligations, finances and an endless list of to do’s.  Because the to do’s are often tied to obligations, they frequently win our attention.

The truth is that the endless tasks we have to do each day are just that...endless.  Chances are we’ll seldom have everything done. In our attempt, however, to constantly check off our lists, our partners more distant become people we check in with every now and then.  We end up spending most of our time paying attention to obligations and should rather than relationships.  Eventually this catches up to us. 

I can feel when I’ve been so caught up on work that I’ve allowed my partner, friendships and even  family to become a distant second in my life.  My children talk less to me, I start numbing out with technology more and more and my husband and I can be like two ships passing in the night. My priorities got derailed and off track.  The last thing I want my loved ones to think and feel is that they’re second best in my life.  Too quickly, however, it can seem that way.  And I know many other families are struggling with this same issue. 

Below are a few suggestions on how to reset your priorities and pay attention to your relationships before you lose them.

1.Take time:  Put time aside for your partner. Schedule time weekly. Enjoy each other guilt free. Do not feel bad about the work you’re missing or check your phone constantly. Be present. Put aside a weekend day for each other each week. Honor that day and be present during it.

2. Laugh:  One of the best connectors is laughter.  Be playful. Tell jokes, be silly, watch a funny movie—just relax and have fun. There are few things more wonderful than a full belly life of a child—take in the moment.


3.Listen: our loved ones tell us all the time what’s missing in the relationship—we just need to listen. Take in their comments and stop defending against them.  Here are some common comments to listen for: “Why are you always on your phone?” “You’re always working.” “Wow, you’re coming with us? How come you don’t have to work?” “How come you never play with us?” “Honey, will you be working late again?” “Why don’t you stay home tonight instead of going out with your friends again? Let’s do something as a couple.”


4.Make relationships not work your priority: the way we spend our time speaks volumes about our priorities.  If your family were a priority than your weekends and evenings would not be spent doing work. Carve out times in your week that are for loved ones only. Safe guard your weekends for relationships not work. There’s no reason to be gone all week working only to come home on the weekend to work as well.  You’re escaping. Be present to your partner and loved ones.

The bottom line is relationships require attention. Every day we are faced with the choice between to dos and relationships. Although there are times when the task list will need to get done, our relationships should far outweigh tasks.  Our partner should know they are a priority in our lives, not because we say they are, but because we show that they are.  Take the time to create a life where your priorities and behaviors are aligned. You and your loved ones will reap the benefits of that decision a hundred-fold.

THE LOST CHALLENGE:  Tune in to what your loved ones have been saying to you. Do they feel as though they are a priority in your life? If not, fix it before you lose them.

Lost's Random Musings: Part II

IT'S PUT UP OR SHUT UP TIME: LET'S GET INTIMATE!

TAKING YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO THE NEXT LEVEL AND PUSHING PASS THE LIMITATIONS OF A OF 2 DIMENSIONAL RELATIONSHIPS.

The question at hand is:  What is intimacy to you?" 

Recently, my journey of self-discovery took flight when I discovered ICQ Chat. I once asked this of a man I had been seeing this very question.  He replied, "Doing things together." I knew what he meant. But how is this to be achieved when you both are on opposite corners of the world? Let's face the facts shall we, singles today are delving into "online dating". 

The age of the internet has empowered many a generation to forge forth into the vastness of the cyber world.  The realm of dating these days does past the conventional meaning and challenges what once seemed relatively simple. (Okay, maybe not so simple, but you know what I mean!)

Anyway, I like most of you out there have primal yearnings to be truly understood by someone else and have the need to build committed relationship based on honesty, trust, self-disclosure, respect, appreciation, interdependence, and togetherness. But it is a fact of life what men and women often view intimacy differently. When women want to draw closer, we like to proceed to reveal our hopes, our worries, and our lives. To women, intimacy is talking whether it is face-to-face or not. 

Men, however, often regard intimacy as working or playing side-by-side. Sure, they might discuss a bad week at work, even troubles in their love lives. But rarely do they share their secret dreams and darkest fears. When they do, they often use "joke speaks," camouflaging their feelings with humor. Their approach to intimacy probably also harks back to prehistory: Picture ancestral males gathering behind a bush, quietly staring across the grass in hopes of felling a passing buffalo. They faced their enemies but sat next to their friends. 

This is why, to build intimacy with a man, I do things with him—side-by-side. That way, when I talk, he isn't threatened by my gaze. But this isn’t always an option for couples dating long distance.

Men were far more likely to regard "debating" as intimate. Intimacy requires being in your comfort zone, and men's testosterone is associated with competitiveness. On the other hand, women were more likely to consider talking heart-to-heart with your partner about your relationship" as something they'd do to be intimate as ways to be close, because estrogen is associated with social skills and nurturing.

Both men and women I find doing something adventurous together spell togetherness. If these  are any indication that men are learning to appreciate women's need to talk, while women are understanding the male way of showing love ("actions speak louder than words"), then bravo!

There are, of course, many other things you can do to cultivate togetherness. Help your partner achieve his goals. Face your problems as a team. Develop a private spiritual or religious world. Choose a new interest to pursue jointly. Play games, explore fantasies together…wink wink!

And get the oxytocin flowing. Oxytocin is a brain chemical that produces feelings of trust and attachment. Men get a blast of it when they kiss, women feel a rush when they hold a lover's hand, and during orgasm, both partners are flooded with the powerful substance. So last but not least, enjoy each other physically. Good sex really does build intimacy.

THE LOST CHALLENGE:   Is it possible to build intimacy in your long distance relationship? 

Lost's Random Musings: Part I

IT'S PUT UP OR SHUT UP TIME: TALK LESS, MORE ACTION

STOP USING LACK OF TIME AS AN EXCUSE FOR LACK OF CONNECTION

The question at hand is:  Do Your Actions Show You Care?

Seriously, enough with the promises! Let’s see some action boys! I mean FFS, a little consideration goes a long way. Don't let days go by before tell your partner wtf is going on. Take my word for it boys, a little heads up would be greatly appreciated, you won't regret going out of your way. 


Honestly folks, we all live hectic and sometime grueling schedules that we deal with on a day to day basis, but what is your excuse for not taking the time. I mean sure the reality is between our careers, obligations, children and errands, there’s hardly any time left for connecting. Often we are so busy, that it seems like two ships passing in the night.  And not only are we not taking the time to connect, but just the thought of taking time feels overwhelming even too much to bare. 

We are constantly on the go and as a result many of our interactions are fleeting and may at times seem more and more a little matter-of-fact like.  Although the occasional matter-of-fact interactions are unavoidable, they are not enough to sustain a healthy relationship.

Now when you couple the stress and strain that a normal couple would endure with the physical distance between a couples maintaining a long distance relationship, this could almost be a sure recipe for disaster if not tackled from the get go. It’s so easy to take each other for granted because we assume our partner will always be there.  We get tired, busy, and complacent, taking care of all the mundane “necessities” in life; meanwhile the days keep passing by.  Before we know it, we feel distant, drained, and unsatisfied; we wonder what happened and hope to God we can get it back.

If we realize it in time, we can take the necessary steps to remedy and heal the relationship.  Unfortunately, the days have turned into weeks which have turned into months and before you know it, it will be more difficult to undo the damage and for some, it will be too late.  Just as a new car needs regular maintenance work to run smoothly and last forever, so do our relationships.  Paying attention to and nurturing our relationships will help them grow and keep them strong.  In return, we will be rewarded tenfold.

Regardless of whether the relationship is with your partner is at the beginning stages or a well-established on, you need to nourish it.  You need to nourish, safeguard, and protect it from harm and if you want it to not just survive, but thrive.  Our relationships are our most precious commodities and as such they deserve the 110% of your attention and effort. And too often we forget about the importance of the little things.  We can get so wrapped up in our lives that we think things are okay as long as we’re not fighting.  Although I wish this were true—it’s not.  Great relationships require a lot of positives, not just the absence of negatives.

Below are some quick ways to add tender touches to your relationship and can be adapted to fit any relationship.

    •    Greet your partner when you come home by saying hello and asking them how their day was.
    •    Say goodbye, when you leave, with a hug or kiss.
    •    Give a compliment whenever possible.
    •    Listen to their stories as if you care.
    •    Share your stories.
    •    Notice the ways they help and thank them directly.
    •    Be affectionate. Smile at your partner as if you’re happy to see them.
    •    Call them before a tough meeting/event and let them know you’re thinking about them.
    •     Text them a loving message.
    •     Randomly tell them you’re glad they’re in your life.
    •     Tell them you love them.
    •     Send them or bring home a small gift.
    •     Put a little note on their bathroom mirror or instant message that says, “You’re awesome!”
    •     Laugh with them, not at them.
    •     Surprise them by doing something they like to do, but to which you typically say no.
    •     Give them time to themselves without resentment

    •     Periodically tell them three things you love about them and why.

THE LOST CHALLENGE:  :  Step back and quietly observe the distance in your relationships with your partner and children.  If you feel distance, adjust your course.  Two ships passing in the night can lose sight of each other very quickly.  Stay present and make sure your life reflects your priorities.      

Stop paying so much attention to the mundane necessities in life and focus on who’s in front of you, s/he may not be there tomorrow.

When we are not paying attention, great relationships can turn into good ones, then okay ones, then not so good relationships and on and on.  It can all start when we have just a little extra work at the office, mixed with a bit more stress and a dollop of exhaustion and WHAM—your great relationship is now a distant one.  We need to pay attention.  We also need to be fully present, not ALL the time, but definitely a significant portion of the time.

I realize that in this financial climate, many of us are just trying to make ends meet.  It’s important, though, that our priorities don’t get lost—in our thoughts AND our actions.  Take the time to pay attention to your loved ones.  Don’t take them for granted.  They may not always be there.  

Commit to doing one thing a week to nourish your relationship in your life.  Don’t take any relationships for granted; call them, write an email, send a card to your partner, hug them. These “filler” are all the extra touches that tell our partners that they are special.  It’s the little stuff that tells them we like spending our lives with them.  It does not take endless amounts of time to add these touches; it does take consciousness effort.

Can You Hear Me Now?????

I just want to scream at the top of my lungs for the whole world to hear!!! I am in a fanfuckingtastic mood and I don't care if you can relate or you think I am crazy. There is absolutely nothing logical or rational about "Love". When it hits you, it is like your whole world has gone totally topsy-turvy!  Literally, like you someone has taken your breathe away and you struggling to take your next breathe. I know it sounds a little like an anxiety attack, but trust me you will know the difference between the two....lol! And NO I am have not lost my marbles. I am just relishing each and everyday remembering to thank my lucky stars for being able to LIVE! So, stop living in fear of making mistakes! Life is for living free without constraints not for living in fear of what may happen if you go on a leap of faith!!!!

Just thought I would share some food for thought....

The Law of Karma

In Buddhist teaching, the law of karma, says only this: for every event that occurs, there will subsequently be followed by another event whose existence was caused by the first, and this second event will be pleasant or unpleasant depending directly on whether the cause was skillful or not.  You might be wondering what constitutes a skillful event. Well, simply put a skillful event is one that is NOT accompanied by craving, resistance or delusions and respectively an unskillful event is one that is accompanied by any one of those things sensations. Please, do not be misled to believe that the events themselves are not skillful, but rather they are so called only in virtue of the mental thought process that occur with them. 

Therefore, the law of Karma demonstrates our role in the scheme of things and teaches us to be accountable for our actions and places the responsibility for the unskillful actions upon the individual. It is subsequently  born by the person who commits them not in the event itself. 

Let's take an example of a sequence of events. An unpleasant sensation occurs. A thought arises that the source of the unpleasantness was a person. This thought is a delusion; any decisions based upon it will therefore be unskillful. A thought arises that some past sensations of unpleasantness issued from this same person. This thought is a further delusion. This is followed by a willful decision to speak words that will produce an unpleasant sensation in that which is perceived as a person. This decision is an act of hostility. Of all the events described so far, only this is called karma. Words are carefully chosen in the hopes that when heard they will cause pain. The words are pronounced aloud. This is the execution of the decision to be hostile. It may also be classed as a kind of karma, although technically it is after-karma. There is a visual sensation of a furrowed brow and down turned mouth. The thought arises that the other person's face is frowning. The thought arises that the other person's feelings were hurt. There is a fleeting joyful feeling of success in knowing that one has scored a damaging verbal blow. Eventually there is an unpleasant sensation of regret, perhaps taking the form of a sensation of fear that the perceived enemy may retaliate, or perhaps taking the form of remorse on having acted impetuously, like an immature child, and hoping that no one will remember this childish action. This regret or fear is the unpleasant ripening of the karma, the unskillful decision to inflict pain through words. 

If there are no persons at all, then there is no self and no other. There is no distinction between pain of which there is direct sensual awareness (which is conventionally called one's own pain) and pain that is known through inference (conventionally called another person's pain). Whether pain is known directly or indirectly, there is either an urge to quell it or an urge to cultivate it. Whether joy is known directly or indirectly, there is either an urge to nourish it or to quell it. In the conventional language of speaking of events personally, the urge to quell all pain and to nourish all joy is known as being ethical or skillful or (if you like) good. The urge to nourish pain and quell joy is known as being unskillful, unethical or bad. 

Being fully ethical is said to be impossible for those who make a distinction between self and other and show preference for the perceived self over the perceived other, for such perceptions inhibit being fully responsive. Being fully ethical is possible only for those who realize that all persons are empty, that is, devoid of personhood...

Basically karma is the law of cause and effect. The principle is similar to that expressed by the Christian verse, "As ye sow, so shall ye reap." The word karma means action and it's used as short-hand for the idea that every action you take causes a reaction in the future. Positive, caring actions will bring positive results back to you, whereas negative, hurtful actions will result in your suffering. 

There is importance on the intent of one's actions. For example, if you accidentally step on a bug and kill it, you won't create bad karma. But if you purposefully kill it, you create bad karma. Likewise, if your actions unintentionally benefit others, you do not create good karma. Only when you mindfully do good, do you create good karma. Ultimately, each individual is responsible for his or her own actions and karma. Every action you take will have a repercussion in the future, and you have to live with the consequences of your actions.

The Name Says it All..........

JOURNEY TO SELF DISCOVERY:

The beauty & significance of given names and their meanings

I have always pondered over the significance of a name.  So, I am sure many of you also have asked yourself the age old question, “What’s In Your Name?”  I have stumbled across some interesting insight on significance of a name. There is a secret hidden in name, whether it’s the name of a person or a thing, and it is formed in relation to the past, present and future conditions of its object. Names are one of the things that people and places have in common. Various naming traditions exist among different ethnics groups, but one universal factor holds true for names in general the meaning of a name has a great influence upon its possessor as well as upon others. From the sound of the letters and the word they compose the mystic can understand much about the character and the fate of a person. 

For all purpose sake we will delve into the meaning of Khmer names. But before one can begin to understand the significance in the meaning of names in Khmer, one must first be briefed a little on the Khmer culture. So, bear with me while I lay some foundation down, give you a crash course on the Khmer culture.  Cambodia has had a rich and diverse history dating back many centuries, and has been heavily influenced by countries such as India whilst emerging as a country with a an equally strong heritage.

Throughout its extensive history, religion has influenced the culture, language, and traditions. Over nearly two millennia, Cambodians developed a unique Khmer belief from the syncretism of indigenous animistic beliefs and the Indian religions of Buddhism and Hinduism. Indian culture and civilization, including its language and arts reached mainland Southeast Asia around the 1st century AD. It is generally believed that seafaring merchants brought Indian customs and culture to ports along the Gulf of Thailand and the Pacific while trading with China. The first state to benefit from this was Funan.

Historically, Cambodian names consist of a surname and a given name, in most of the cases there are no middle names. Cambodian names are usually either descriptive or beautiful derivatives from ancient Sanskrit with very pure, higher meanings. Girls names often reflect something beautiful from nature, with fragrant flowers and moonlight (the word for moon is chan) popular themes.  As a rule, simple names are more common in the countryside and Sanskrit-derived names more often found in the cities. .  Language, and especially name, shows the class of people and character of families, communities and races.

Buddhism has shaped the Cambodian psyche for many centuries, so not surprisingly names recalling a traditional Buddhist virtue such as softness, intelligence, goodness or wisdom are also common. Despite Buddhism being the state religion, however, Khmers also have a strong animist culture, so naming a child after an animal or plant with a certain prized characteristic is also common. Fate in Sanskrit is called karma, meaning the rhythm of past actions. The influence of rhythm suggested by a name has an effect upon the entity whose name it is, as well as upon those who call him by that name. Evenness of rhythm gives balance, while unevenness causes lack of balance. The beauty of rhythm beautifies the character of man. Many names are also interchangeable between the sexes. 

Khmer names have a unique sound and feeling to them – for the most part they are distinctly Khmer and could never be confused with names from other countries in the region. Cambodians – and especially girls – will often have a pet name as well as their formal name, so Srey Mom (precious or adored girl), Srey Peouv (the youngest girl, the sweetest of the sweet), Srey Mao (black girl) and Srey Map (fat or plump girl) are common monikers for someone to introduce themselves by, although they may really be a Bopha (a type of sweet flower) or a Pich (precious diamond). 

Some names are as simple as the day or month of the baby's birth, such as Tola (October), Makara (January) or Sok (from Tgnai Sok, or Friday), and some very common names state an obvious attribute about a person, such as Srey Touch (pronounced Tooch, meaning small girl). When pronouncing Cambodian names, the stress is usually on the last syllable, and when shortening a name, they will usually take the final syllable, so for example Chandina becomes Dina, or even Srey Na, and Sothy usually becomes Ty (pronounced Tee). 

Let’s take a gander at  my name for instance:

Thidavary 

Thida => meaning a girl born of royalty, daughter of the gods; angelic girl, heavenly

Vary => meaning water; source of life

So what does it all mean?


Maybe '"angelic source of life.....'"  ha hmmm!!  or “ water princess” oh, I kind of like the sound of that one. Oh, wait! What about “Heavenly water girl”. What were my parents thinking exactly????? 

All this talk of water is making me parched. While I take a moment to quench my thirst, it's ur turn... …

What's significance does YOUR name hold?  

Here is Fun Links:

• Link 1 – Parenting.com
• Link 2 – The Meaning of Names
• Link 3 – Behind the Name   
• Link 4 – Find Your First Name

This following piece is dedicated

to women everywhere!

Love me or hate me, but always respect me.

I love like I live, without fear

Look if you like, but don't peer.

Give me credit where credit is due.

Don't forsake me for the things that I do.

Listen carefully to the words that I speak

Comprehend, don't regard me a weak,

Because I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve.

Don't judge me or leave

Without first genuinely seeing who I am

The  girl that stands before today

Is the same girl that you befriended.

Though time may have bent,

I am still your friend, that should not change

Love me or hate me, but always respect me.

-Lost