Lost's Random Musings: Part II

IT'S PUT UP OR SHUT UP TIME: LET'S GET INTIMATE!

TAKING YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO THE NEXT LEVEL AND PUSHING PASS THE LIMITATIONS OF A OF 2 DIMENSIONAL RELATIONSHIPS.

The question at hand is:  What is intimacy to you?" 

Recently, my journey of self-discovery took flight when I discovered ICQ Chat. I once asked this of a man I had been seeing this very question.  He replied, "Doing things together." I knew what he meant. But how is this to be achieved when you both are on opposite corners of the world? Let's face the facts shall we, singles today are delving into "online dating". 

The age of the internet has empowered many a generation to forge forth into the vastness of the cyber world.  The realm of dating these days does past the conventional meaning and challenges what once seemed relatively simple. (Okay, maybe not so simple, but you know what I mean!)

Anyway, I like most of you out there have primal yearnings to be truly understood by someone else and have the need to build committed relationship based on honesty, trust, self-disclosure, respect, appreciation, interdependence, and togetherness. But it is a fact of life what men and women often view intimacy differently. When women want to draw closer, we like to proceed to reveal our hopes, our worries, and our lives. To women, intimacy is talking whether it is face-to-face or not. 

Men, however, often regard intimacy as working or playing side-by-side. Sure, they might discuss a bad week at work, even troubles in their love lives. But rarely do they share their secret dreams and darkest fears. When they do, they often use "joke speaks," camouflaging their feelings with humor. Their approach to intimacy probably also harks back to prehistory: Picture ancestral males gathering behind a bush, quietly staring across the grass in hopes of felling a passing buffalo. They faced their enemies but sat next to their friends. 

This is why, to build intimacy with a man, I do things with him—side-by-side. That way, when I talk, he isn't threatened by my gaze. But this isn’t always an option for couples dating long distance.

Men were far more likely to regard "debating" as intimate. Intimacy requires being in your comfort zone, and men's testosterone is associated with competitiveness. On the other hand, women were more likely to consider talking heart-to-heart with your partner about your relationship" as something they'd do to be intimate as ways to be close, because estrogen is associated with social skills and nurturing.

Both men and women I find doing something adventurous together spell togetherness. If these  are any indication that men are learning to appreciate women's need to talk, while women are understanding the male way of showing love ("actions speak louder than words"), then bravo!

There are, of course, many other things you can do to cultivate togetherness. Help your partner achieve his goals. Face your problems as a team. Develop a private spiritual or religious world. Choose a new interest to pursue jointly. Play games, explore fantasies together…wink wink!

And get the oxytocin flowing. Oxytocin is a brain chemical that produces feelings of trust and attachment. Men get a blast of it when they kiss, women feel a rush when they hold a lover's hand, and during orgasm, both partners are flooded with the powerful substance. So last but not least, enjoy each other physically. Good sex really does build intimacy.

THE LOST CHALLENGE:   Is it possible to build intimacy in your long distance relationship?