Lost's Random Musings: Part I

IT'S PUT UP OR SHUT UP TIME: TALK LESS, MORE ACTION

STOP USING LACK OF TIME AS AN EXCUSE FOR LACK OF CONNECTION

The question at hand is:  Do Your Actions Show You Care?

Seriously, enough with the promises! Let’s see some action boys! I mean FFS, a little consideration goes a long way. Don't let days go by before tell your partner wtf is going on. Take my word for it boys, a little heads up would be greatly appreciated, you won't regret going out of your way. 


Honestly folks, we all live hectic and sometime grueling schedules that we deal with on a day to day basis, but what is your excuse for not taking the time. I mean sure the reality is between our careers, obligations, children and errands, there’s hardly any time left for connecting. Often we are so busy, that it seems like two ships passing in the night.  And not only are we not taking the time to connect, but just the thought of taking time feels overwhelming even too much to bare. 

We are constantly on the go and as a result many of our interactions are fleeting and may at times seem more and more a little matter-of-fact like.  Although the occasional matter-of-fact interactions are unavoidable, they are not enough to sustain a healthy relationship.

Now when you couple the stress and strain that a normal couple would endure with the physical distance between a couples maintaining a long distance relationship, this could almost be a sure recipe for disaster if not tackled from the get go. It’s so easy to take each other for granted because we assume our partner will always be there.  We get tired, busy, and complacent, taking care of all the mundane “necessities” in life; meanwhile the days keep passing by.  Before we know it, we feel distant, drained, and unsatisfied; we wonder what happened and hope to God we can get it back.

If we realize it in time, we can take the necessary steps to remedy and heal the relationship.  Unfortunately, the days have turned into weeks which have turned into months and before you know it, it will be more difficult to undo the damage and for some, it will be too late.  Just as a new car needs regular maintenance work to run smoothly and last forever, so do our relationships.  Paying attention to and nurturing our relationships will help them grow and keep them strong.  In return, we will be rewarded tenfold.

Regardless of whether the relationship is with your partner is at the beginning stages or a well-established on, you need to nourish it.  You need to nourish, safeguard, and protect it from harm and if you want it to not just survive, but thrive.  Our relationships are our most precious commodities and as such they deserve the 110% of your attention and effort. And too often we forget about the importance of the little things.  We can get so wrapped up in our lives that we think things are okay as long as we’re not fighting.  Although I wish this were true—it’s not.  Great relationships require a lot of positives, not just the absence of negatives.

Below are some quick ways to add tender touches to your relationship and can be adapted to fit any relationship.

    •    Greet your partner when you come home by saying hello and asking them how their day was.
    •    Say goodbye, when you leave, with a hug or kiss.
    •    Give a compliment whenever possible.
    •    Listen to their stories as if you care.
    •    Share your stories.
    •    Notice the ways they help and thank them directly.
    •    Be affectionate. Smile at your partner as if you’re happy to see them.
    •    Call them before a tough meeting/event and let them know you’re thinking about them.
    •     Text them a loving message.
    •     Randomly tell them you’re glad they’re in your life.
    •     Tell them you love them.
    •     Send them or bring home a small gift.
    •     Put a little note on their bathroom mirror or instant message that says, “You’re awesome!”
    •     Laugh with them, not at them.
    •     Surprise them by doing something they like to do, but to which you typically say no.
    •     Give them time to themselves without resentment

    •     Periodically tell them three things you love about them and why.

THE LOST CHALLENGE:  :  Step back and quietly observe the distance in your relationships with your partner and children.  If you feel distance, adjust your course.  Two ships passing in the night can lose sight of each other very quickly.  Stay present and make sure your life reflects your priorities.      

Stop paying so much attention to the mundane necessities in life and focus on who’s in front of you, s/he may not be there tomorrow.

When we are not paying attention, great relationships can turn into good ones, then okay ones, then not so good relationships and on and on.  It can all start when we have just a little extra work at the office, mixed with a bit more stress and a dollop of exhaustion and WHAM—your great relationship is now a distant one.  We need to pay attention.  We also need to be fully present, not ALL the time, but definitely a significant portion of the time.

I realize that in this financial climate, many of us are just trying to make ends meet.  It’s important, though, that our priorities don’t get lost—in our thoughts AND our actions.  Take the time to pay attention to your loved ones.  Don’t take them for granted.  They may not always be there.  

Commit to doing one thing a week to nourish your relationship in your life.  Don’t take any relationships for granted; call them, write an email, send a card to your partner, hug them. These “filler” are all the extra touches that tell our partners that they are special.  It’s the little stuff that tells them we like spending our lives with them.  It does not take endless amounts of time to add these touches; it does take consciousness effort.