Lost's Paradox: Lost n Found

Can something truly lost ever really be found? I mean if you have taken something precious and dear to you, boxed it up and hide it so well that over the years you somehow forgot where you placed it. Even though you desperately scramble about to search for it, search for its whereabouts to no avail. Something so hidden away that you are now faced with the dilemma that it will never be found. That all those years, you kept it hidden away to safeguard it from those who bared false charms and who indeed meant nothing but harm, now that you are ready to open up and share that you realize that it’s all unfathomable and you fear that now that the day has come, you will not be able to give yourself fully and without hesitation. Engrossed with irrational fear and trying to rationalize its meaning and sort out the overwhelming realization that you have allowed the years to pass without ever really giving love a chance to flourish and grow.

But regardless of how hopeless that the situation may feel at times, you realize that destiny and fate still have a hand yet to play. So all hope is not gone and in this life I have always held my firm belief that we were all mean to share our lives with another. This is how it was meant to be and this is how it will be. You bide your time, and wait your turn for the final hand to be played and for everything to come full circle and complete your duet. For life’s serenade is a duet not a solo ballad. Fear not for what lies ahead promises to be far more exquisitely serene and is simply beautiful. So, patience my mind whispers tenderly to my eager heart and soul which craves to be fulfilled and complete. Until now, my life’s puzzle remains incomplete.

                                                                  - Lost n Found

Natasha Bedingfield 

- Soumate

Invincible Lost: I am woman hear me rawrrrrrrrrrrr...

COURAGE not the absence of FEAR, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood. 

I am not afraid of TOMORROW, for I have seen YESTERDAY and I love TODAY. Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves...regret for the past and fear of the future. What we seek we shall find; what we flee from flees from us!!!

                      -Invincible Lost

            Fergie - Big Girls Don't Cry         

Lost Enthralled: Retreat, regroup, then go forth & rediscover thyself!!!

With each breathe I struggle to take, I can feel my weary heart ache

It yearns to be roam free, to soar up amongst the distant clouds

Leaving behind the spent emotions, unchained, no longer shackled to the past

The past that has haunted me, imprisoned my will, laid captive my desires

Stunned as if frozen in time, revealing in the stagnant essence of the torment

Afraid to move past, afraid to let go, afraid to forget something that once mystified

Titillated, taunted, and teased playfully ingraining images that danced in my mind

I crave to be adored, to be worshiped, and elaborately adorned with the simple notion 

The simply delectable notion so sinfully sweet, too tasty to the very last drop

You secretly stew up deliciously wicked ways to devour more

You deliberately allow it to simmer, to abide the succulent juices to ooze

Coating the ravenous pallet that lines your being, 

To engorge, to feast of the essence of what you desire

Will the overwhelming  craving linger endlessly taunt me 

Thus igniting the thirst that can never be quenched?

-Lost Enthralled

Lost in Retrospect: Our lives sometimes leads us down unsuspecting paths that may sometimes seem endless and relentlessly cruel, take heart for nothing happens by chance. There is a higher force at power will undoubtedly guide us back to the path that we were meant to follow. These detours are filled with life lessons that are bittersweet and sour at times. But like most other occurrences in our lives are set out to reveal the conspicuous  and illusive purpose that drew us astray. We must absorb and learn from these life's altering events and accept and forgive those who have trespassed against us or maybe spin the truth to their own devices and to suit their own selfish means. So, when you find yourself wandering aimlessly or lost your footing, simply do as lost does. Retreat, regroup, then go forth,  and rediscover thyself!!!

Nostalgic Lost: Forever Lost

Another day begins, the sun rises and brings forth the rays of promises 

Promises of a new beginnings and fresh start for renewed hope 

But there are times, that I wander down the hidden corners in corridors of my heart

The hidden corners out of sight, where I have resided those delicate memories 

Memories that have long since been etched into my soul 

I remember how it used to be when nothing else matter but you and me 

I miss you, I wish you could see what is so plain to me 

Although you are here and I see and feel you near, I miss you and me. 

I remember when you said how happy I made you 

I miss those days when you'd call just to say "hi" 

There were days it was so hard just to say good-bye for a while. 

I miss the old you- and the old me, the old us that could just sit still 

Remember how we use to talk for hours and never run out of things to say. 

Your voice it lingers in my mind, playing tricks on me 

With you time simply stood still, minutes seemed like hours 

Days seemed like weeks, I miss us as I remember how it used to be 

when nothing else matter but you and me 

Now, I remember days gone by, the deafening sound of silence lingers 

I wish I could erase the wrongs and bring back how things used to be 

When everything was so simple, but now time doesn't stand still 

I pray for the strength to let go of the past, to move on 

For what lies ahead promises renewed hope and love so deep 

A true love that is eternal, it bounds two souls for a lifetime and carries over till the next.

-Forever Lost

Lost's Reflection: We are simple in many ways, but we are as complicated as they come. Simply because we are a myriad mix of emotions, some more volatile the the next. All my life I have felt and considered myself unique. Never quite fitting in to the niche and able to blend completely and fluidly. Don't get me wrong, I am a social chameleon of sorts feeling quite comfortable in just about any given situation because well.. I adapt easily and effortlessly. Just don't be fooled, by the outwardly state of comfort which appears before you, inside I am yearning to break free and burst outta  my comfort zone and running  free, exposed down the streets of life. This weary soul cannot be contained and tamed. I make no excuses for my sometimes explosive emotional bouts. I am more sensitive to people and my surroundings. Always found it quite easy to read certain people I may appear as an open book,  but there are many hidden chapters that are buried within the the maze that I claim as myself. I am forever in search the missing piece to my life's puzzle. I desire to just to be accepted as I am and crave to be understood. I know in my heart of hearts that destiny will come through in the end and all those things that have alluded me all my life will come full circle and complete the casting to my own personal story.  For now, I am forever lost in my own thoughts  that one day it will all be reality and not just a dream.

Lost in Route: Sit back and enjoy the ride!

Ever felt the reflection looking back at you, seeing right through you. Past all those superficial adornaments that we all take on in efforts to make ourselves for presentable. Standing almost bare, exposed for who you are flaws and all. That very reflection can see past, the facade that others can not distinguish or make sense of. We all play our part in this life's rendition of '"This is my life'". Some of us better at our own roles than most. Maybe taking on the role and making it our own. Even manipulating to suit our own needs, but there are somethings you can hide no matter how hard you try to sugarcoat things. Some of us even attempt to fool ourselves into thinking this is our reality, but when in fact is just your subjective take on reality.

There are some of us who blend in much easier and find ourselves at ease in just about any situation. We tend to have many who flock to be close. Because lets face it, the moth always flocks to the light in the dim of the moonlight and by candlelight they come in droves to hover over the warmth that radiates from the within for the warmth it signifies so much more than meets the eye. I think that each and every one of us craves to find the warmth, that radiates and allows us to lose ourselves even just for a moment in time. As I have said before, not all good things were meant to last. Some were meant to be relished just for as long as the flame burns from within fueling the fire which allows the embers to ignite. This most amazing chemical reaction that ensues when two souls cross paths is such a  beautiful and simple chain reaction.  Sometimes we are lucky and the flames burn for eternity and beyond. 

Lost's Reflection: The search for life's inspiration is a journey that we all must take. Some of us take the more scenic route, that takes you sometimes a lifetime to reach your destination having taken maybe detours with a  few more speed bumps along the way and other the more direct route. It is those challenges that add character and toughen the exterior. They are not a reflection on us as an individual as much as it is a reflection of our choices. No one is perfect and there are no two stories that are identical. Some story lines more colorful then the next. And others more unsavory and seedy, but hey they are as unique as each and everyone of us. Opportunities for inspiration are all around us, don't close the door or burn bridges because you never know whats around the corner. And who doesn't love surprises? So, buckle up, sit back, and enjoy the ride.....ready? Bring it on:-)

Lost in the Sunrise: Here I am

What once was but an empty vessel that harbored a broken soul

Here I stand before you, someone you used to know as whole

Even though a love that once reigned true, has faded into the blue

I once saw something in you, which made me to want to stay

What else is left to say, now I must continue this journey one more day alone.

Moving forward into the blue, who knew, those bittersweet memories they’d ensue

I have learnt a few, insalubrious lessons from our mistakes, our heartaches
I pray that they have given way, allowing us to breakthrough
To escape the melancholy gloom that looms over us

So dark and dreary threatening to engulf us whole

All those awful things that were said in hast made us doubt our beliefs
In something we once consider fate is now but a distant memory
I know in my heart of hearts, your absence has left a the hole inside my heart
But even so, as time passes its slowly but surely the once parted now becomes whole

They say what does not kill us makes us strong
Every once in awhile, I find myself wandering those empty hallways of my heart

And when I feel it taking over, I find myself crying,morning a love that got away
Now that I have come to accept, and moved forward without feeling any regret
The road ahead is long, and the journey most likely treacherous
But I have my life ahead of me, even I will confess there are days I just can’t face
I know accepting what happened, how things played out, and forgiving the past
Was what we had to do which allows us to let go

To make right a grievous wrong, and  allow us to move on.

-Lost n Retrospect

Jason Chen - Here Am I (Official Music Video) Prod. By Nine Diamond

Lost Thoughts: Regardless of the impact, the human condition is vastly perplex and more complicated than  some may like to  portray it to be. Take heart,  love is eternal and forever, even if it never returned, for true love requires no reciprocation. It is given selflessly and without expectations. So, don't hesitate to love fully and openly for as long as you love with all of your heart, you are always true to yourself there is absolutely no shame in doing so, because the alternative is not to feel at all. Regret is harder to live with.

Cambodia - Harassment and intimidation of members of Cambodian Center for Human Rights during fact-finding mission

Original post from [ASEANcats] Cambodia 

13 November 2012

Cambodia - Harassment and intimidation of members of Cambodian Center for Human Rights during fact-finding mission

On 30 and 31 October 2012, members of the Cambodian Center for Human Rights (CCHR)’s Land Reform Project Team were harassed and intimidated by police and military officials during a mission to collect information about the resolution of a land conflict. The CCHR is an independent non-governmental organisation working to promote democracy and respect for human rights in Cambodia.

The team had come to Thlao village, in Banteay Mean Chey province, on 29 October 2012 in order to gather information on the resolution of a local land conflict which revolved around a private company, Cheat Aphiwat Co. Ltd., reportedly obtaining an illegal land concession. The Land Reform Project Team, consisting of project coordinator Mr Vann Sopath, Mr Steven Kremer, Mr Nget Savy and Ms Nou Chansokunthea, interviewed villagers and surveyed the area. It is believed that a villager with close ties to local officials and the company reported the team’s presence to the authorities.

On the second day of the mission, local police and military officers and a student volunteer from a government land-measuring programme approached the team and subjected them to a lengthy and detailed questioning regarding their activities. Later on, the officials continued to make their presence felt by circling the team on motorbikes and keeping a close watch on their activities.

Villagers were also interrogated, and in other ways discouraged from giving interviews to the CCHR staff. A community representative was questioned by a military commander, and a local woman tried to discourage villagers from talking to the team by first claiming that it was unnecessary, as the land was already being demarcated by the aforementioned student group. She proceeded to warn them that they were risking losing their land titles, or jeopardising those that had yet to be given out, by cooperating with the CCHR staff.

It is reported that the team’s work was not compromised by these attempts as most of the work had already been done on the first day, and some villagers cooperated with them even after these events. Nonetheless, the CCHR has identified a growing trend in the disruption of peaceful and legitimate activities carried out by the organisation. An example of this is the summoning of CCHR President Ou Virak and several other Cambodian human rights defers for questioning in relation to their work on land rights, less than a month before these events. Front Line Defenders issued an appeal on their behalf on 19 October 2012.

Front Line Defenders urges the auhorities in Cambodia to:

1. Carry out an immediate, exhaustive and thorough investigation into the intimidation and harassment of the abovementioned members of the CCHR, as it is believed their questioning and the attempts to undermine their work were motivated solely by their legitimate and peaceful work in defence of human rights;
2. Guarantee under all circumstances that human rights defenders in Cambodia are able to carry out their legitimate human rights activities without fear of reprisals and free of all restrictions, including judicial harassment.

Eternal Happiness: My Solemn Wish For You

I have good days and bad days. I do not cry as much, but at times I do. I still think about him often throughout the day but not 24/7. I miss him a lot and he honestly is and will always be one of my best friends, but it was his decision to end everything we might have once had together. I am probably stronger than most because I do have a lot of pride. I know I am a great person, and have so much to offer in a relationship. I am at a point in my life where I am ready to commit fully and wholeheartedly to someone, I have never been more ready to share my life and love with someone. I do think everything happens for a reason and there isn't such a thing as coincidence. He and I were meant to cross paths and we shared something quite special and somehow formed this inseparable bound that may very well last a lifetime. Maybe there is a reason that he ended it because there may be an even greater guy than him out there. Although in my mind, he still is the greatest. I can just sit here and think about everything I love about him, he was not perfect but I loved all of his flaws. I want to talk to him so bad sometimes, but I don't let myself. It really does get easier and easier with time. I still find it hard to find myself attracted to other guys or to even entertain guys that show interest in me. All you can really do is let go and accept your life. Don't let someone else dictate your happiness. In reality, we shouldn't be the ones upset over the loss-the guys that dumped us should be the ones in pain because all we lost was someone who did not love us, and they lost someone who did love them-which isn't easy to find. 

I wish him all the happiness in the world and hope that love will find her way into his life and fill his heart as it has mine. He brings joy and fulfillment and hope into my life, for it will never be the same again. I hope that he finds his way through the murky waters of life and find what ever it is he seeks, because he is truly an amazing soul and I hope I will be able to support him in what ever capacity I may as he travels forth. 

I have without a doubt seen "A Walk to Remember" countless times. I always wanted and wished for that type of love ever since the first time I saw it. Why did you recommend it? Just because you love the movie? At one point in time, I thought the love I shared with my ex was the type of love that you only see in movies because of the bond that we shared. Now it is just the past ...

Our Story of Survival: What doesn't kill us makes us stronger!

Reality hitting a little too close to home

In March 2010, I was at my home with my parents when my mother took us aside and told us the earth shattering news. It all still feels a bit more like a nightmare than anything. I remember the overwhelming fear of being completely lost, just saddened at the idea of possibility losing a parent.  Later the following year, my father was diagnosed with intestinal cancer. The anguish and the despair that ensued was unbearable, almost too much to take on even for the strongest of souls. Where does one go to from there? How do you stay strong and supportive to without falling apart. I honestly felt like I was going to come apart at the seams. My dad was distraught, but was solemn and said nothing. My mother has always been the rock foundation that held the family together and now everything was changed overnight. The thought of life being so precious and everything seemed so futile and nothing else seemed to matter.

During the process of their diagnosis and recovery, it was a long and most trying of times. I tried to remain calm and collected for the sake of the family for my mom, dad and Nate of course. I remained strong keeping an outwardly collected appearance, but dying inside screaming for mercy on the inside. I was deathly afraid of losing them to the illness that has tried to take over their spirits and waged war on their bodies. Watching them suffer and enduring the surgery and the mastectomy and later the chemo, was unbelievably hard and I pushed myself to not break down and cry, because that was all felt like doing for months. This tragedy brought us closer together and made mortality that much more real and remind us to cherish each day and each other, because you just don't know what tomorrow will bring. 

Naturally we all were encouraged to get tested since my mother diagnosis. Thinking back, I was afraid to get screened because I’ve always heard that it was a painful procedure. All the stories in the movie were so touching, seeing what each woman was going through, they had me in tears. At that very moment, I decided to make my appointment to get screened.  I have since then been tested regularly for ovarian, cervix, or breast cancer.

-Lost n Vicious Reality

Headline: Speechless.....WTF man! Why after all this time?

Lost is officially Confused! After, never being able to remain connected with my past, I thought it high time I tried to widen my horizon and think a little outside the proverbial box. Why not, I thought to myself. If two people connected so deeply on every level, why not? Why couldn't we remain friends? Why does the other think that they still harbor alternatives for retaining communication? Could it not be that you genuinely value the friendship and the inseparable connection between the two of you. I have seen through the veil past the walls he erected to ward off all others. I saw the man who he was, and i saw the little boy inside yearning to play freely. We met under the most random of situations and when I was far more innocent and less skeptical. He swept me off my feet, blindsided me with ways. I might even go as far as to say he stole my innocence. We were alike in many ways, in the ways we thought, or views, our passion for writing, he challenged me, accepted me as I truly was. Saw the many sides of me without ever once placing judgement and making me inferior. What we really shared was beyond what mere words could describe. I can't define nor do I want to attempt to, because mere words could never suffice or do it justice. Though the relationship fell short of becoming anything more than  a lovely notion, we  will forever be ingrained within each other for whatever it was can not be undone, nor do I wish it to be undone. I have said it before and I will say it again, when I love I love fully and all my heart and never with any regrets. That is who I am, and that is who I alway will be. 

Having said that all, you are probably as confused as I am now,  but wait let me get to the point. Yes, there is a point to my madness, silly! I had this conversation with him randomly outta the blue and he couldn't understand why I would still want to continue conversing after all that has been said and done. And I simply replied that I genuinely value our connection  and felt that we could attempt to salvage it, if he was so inclined. And to my surprise he starts this mile long monologue about how felt about me, how I impacted his life and such. I was floored really, didn't know how to respond. The things he said are not things you say about an ex really. They are usually some things you say about a lover or someone special. I know that words are words and nothing more sometimes. And they don't speak louder than action and commitment, but I could feel the emotions and I sensed him. Does that sound weird? Maybe it does a little, but still.. I knew he had meant what he had said, because on many occasions he has express these very feeling with me. But was I surprised he was still harboring these feelings with me, to be honest yes, and only because we think differently when it comes to love and such. Love always accompanies commitment to me, its a natural progression of emotions and feelings.How can you love someone without wanting to commit to that person. If I love you, I want to be with you and commit to moving in a direction where both of you are together. Why would be say all these things to me, after I told him that I had not inklings to rekindle the romance or the relationship. Why go out of your way to tell me how you feel about me or how you still essentially love me as you once did.. that you feel that you will never meet anyone like me and I was your 1 and billion chance of happiness?? Why throw that in the mix?

Seriously, word to the wise, don't try to confuse a lost person! The end result can be catastrophic! lol okay thats me being dramatic. With all kidding aside, cmon now I wasn't born yesterday or I am not a mind reader, say what you mean and mean what you say.Don't talk in riddle, just because you think you can candy coat and beautify a complicated situation, doesn't make it easier for other to interpret. Oh, ffs! Speak plainly and clearly..don't forget its me you are talking to not someone who doesn't know who you are and how you dance around topics like its the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, FUK!

-Lost N Vicious Reality

Sentimental Lost: Reality bites, harder, and deeper than I do

Reality bite and when it does eventually does, it tends to bite you pretty fuking hard and sometimes draws blood and makes you bleed. Why is it you always realize things more clearly after the fact? Why do we often disregard signs that flare up along the way. After, I broke off relationships with my ex, I was fairly certain I didn't want to venture down the painful and extremely stressful path again, because lets face it building relationships is already hard enough without the added stress of  distance complicates things further. There are a lot of factors I chose to ignore. Including the fact that two people essentially need to be on the same page at the same time in order for anything to grow and flourish. It isn't enough to share care for someone deeply and mesh well with someone, and sad as it is simply loving someone isn't going to cut the mustard. Because, I have realized that commitment takes effort and perseverance, but you can't expect that other person to be exactly in the same position as you. You may essentially want the same things, but if you want them more or sooner therein lies the dilemma. You can overlook these things, but that's the thing the heart and the mind don't always consult each other. The heart wants what it wants regardless if the mind is say whoa wait a minute don't do it! 

As the verses in the song go, '"if I knew then what I know now...'" Would I have done things differently with '"him'"? Do I regret disregarding the emergency flares? I will have to say a resounding, '"no, i don't'" Though I am facing an extremely bittersweet dilemma, I would never take back the time and stolen moments '"He'" and I shared. There isn't a mean bone in his body and honestly believe that he and I shared something special and in some ways have formed an inseparable bound. I was so sure that he was meant to be a part of my life, but I had not ventured to label what we were to each other, but there are something we can't force or change. We are who we are and nothing can be forced including feeling or there the lack of. I am now faced with the notion of having to find a way to view him from a different perspective, because the alternative would be too painful to bare and honestly I can even fathom the idea of trying to be pretending to not care about someone when you know you do. I am afraid that if I can't accomplish this fete, I will lose him entirely, because '"He'" will know I am pretending and eventually I will not be able to keep up the lie and severe the ties completely. I have been on the receiving end of losing a best friend over feeling not being reciprocated or not matched. That is something I regret even till this day. Friends are are hard to come by and unlike falling in love is a trial and error process and a true close friend is always going to be there for you regardless. Finding someone who you have shared so much so openly even given the circumstances is a blessing and I value '"him'" and genuinely believe that we have added something positive to each others lives. To let that all go to the way side would be a travesty, but as much as I want to maintain the relations with '"him'", I must put myself first above and foremost. I have salvage my sanity and keep myself sane at all cost. I hope that he is patient with me as I sort my feelings and regain my footing.

Sentimental Lost: Revisiting Heartache

J Rice singing song entitled, '"Okay to Cry'"

Confessions of a Broken Heart

J Rice rendition of the song entitled: '" Afraid of Love'". Enjoy!

You go through the motions of those daily humdrums moments

In your life pretending, living a half-life, in denial of how it is 

You start pedaling your little white lies, your half-truths 

To all those who really don't know you as I do, 

Trying desperately to believe that things are really okay

You drink your coffee sip by sip while remaining overly vigilant and 

Deathly afraid of letting go, allowing love to spill over into your heart filling up your soul 

Afraid of giving up control, allowing for love to flow freely, openly 

Enabling you to break away of the chains of doubt, no longer a prisoner of fear 

You are afraid of placing your trust in someone else's hands 

Afraid that it will shatter into a million and one pieces and fracture your wounded heart 

You reside on placing your hopes and your dreams on the highest shelf, 

Afraid of losing yourself, allowing yourself to fade into the night 

Drifting away trickling down the stream eventually disappearing into the murky abyss of life 

You hide those secrets behind your alluring smile, playful laugh and your mystical eyes 

You are blinded by the glare of doubt reflecting off the mirrors as you travel

Along narrow corridor, scared and terrified of what lurks ahead. 

Never daring to venture off the beaten path for fear of what is left unsaid 

Daring not dream of a blissful happy ending yet to be told or that may never unfold, 

Shrouded in fear, imprisoned by fear towering over you enclosing your heart 

No one dares crossover; no one dares to break down the fortress 

The enclosure that surrounds and guards your muted soul 

You run away, you take refuge keeping those who mean ill will at bay, 

Keeping those who bear false charms from inflicting harm, afraid of love 

Keeping love close enough to see, yet far enough to not to feel 

Afraid of love, blinded by doubt, imprisoned by fear. 

-Lost n Vicious Reality

You can doubt, you can fear, but have faith that I will always be here for you. You are never really alone, I understand and even if you don't.  We were close once and for me there is nothing that will ever change. I am and always will be here for you. -JustLost

Sentimental Lost: Trip Down Memory Lane

Oh, my! Chester See is yummy:-) I mean totally scrumptious and mmmm mouth watering eye candy that makes this impressionable sweet tooth salivate excessively to the point she might appear to be drooling excessively. I have to admit he is freaking "Hot!" Tiffany isn't not too shabby herself, but well Chester I wanna be your Molester.hehe! Sorry, that sounded like so wrong I know, but geeezus I cannot resist the urge to venture the multitude of crooks and crevices of this northern and southern territories:)

Anyways, this song is quite the sentimental ballad though not necessarily something I have experienced personally. Though I did date during and after high school, I can't say that I miss any of my ex much less yearn for the rekindling of long lost loves. I mean seriously they don't call them ex for a reason. But the song plays off of the heartstrings of most of us  who dream of a lost love or maybe even a missed opportunities. Let's face it most things in life love and everything in between is everything but predictable and sometimes there are opportunities for love that arise, two random souls crossing path and sparks go flying maybe even ignites setting ablaze passions, fueling the most extraordinary of chemical reactions, but you both soon realise that the reality of the situation is unfathomable and defies leaps and bounds. Whichever the case, it's sentimental flair is something that most can relate to.Some songs they sing to you and even invoke physical sensations that can be felt like a rush of  adrenalin surging through your body. Maybe it isn't the most romantic song in the word, but you must admit that he has the most amazing voice, one that kinda gives me goosebumps and makes the fine hairs on my arm stand on end. So, props to Chester See and Tiffany Alvord on the rendition of Katy Perrys song entitled,'" The One That Got Away'". Enjoy! 

Playtime: Can your inner child come out & play with my inner child?

I don't know about you, but I for one have spent a colossal amount time stressing out, worrying, planning, and taking myself way too seriously almost to the point of pushing myself to the edge of the perpetual revolving door of what seemed like the endless abyss. This person you could be as an adult if you lightened up, let go of your seriousness, overcome your fears and accepted flexibility and change in your life. We get so wrapped up in our daily mundane routines, that we soon lose touch of our inner child in us who didn't care what others thought or if what you were doing was okay we might even forget her/him altogether yet it still resides in you, dwelling in your subconscious.

I know what you are asking yourself. Who is this inner child? My simple reply to such an intriguing question is, the "inner child" is the little child you were who desired to be nurtured, cared for and loved. This child still resides deep within you as an adult who is in every sense of the word a free spirit, pixie or elf you have tamed and controlled, yet who resides within you. In most cases, she/he represents the emotional and sensitive you, whom you have channeled, controlled and maybe even silenced. Could also, be the creative, imaginative and artistic you who has been molded, structured and organized who desperately needs to set free every once in awhile  This side represents the fun loving, happy, frivolous, joyful, humorous you when you were young and unsophisticated; that person you have replaced with a sophisticated, mature, serious, task-oriented demeanor.

Yet for some she/he signifies the wounded you, pained, neglected, frustrated, abused and ignored you whom you have masked, hidden from view and more than likely have even denied the existence of. This child is always just lingering below the surface, causing you to be anxious, worried and fearful of mistreatment.This person within you who needs healing, support and reinforcement through a variety of mechanism for coping activities through this you can be given new life, health and a chance for personal growth. 

How does the "inner child" come into being?  The "inner child" comes into being by one denying your  true feelings, from holding back our childlike responses, while we provide adult like responses to stress,  insecurity in the midst of chaos, confusion or the vacuum of repressed feelings, a lack of encouragement to broaden our scope of vision about the "potentials" in life,  the stress of staying vigilantly in the ``here and now'' so that we stay in control and the "walls didn't come tumbling down" around us,  maybe continuing even now to follow our compulsive role(s) rather than choosing to change and be free from the restraints this compulsion creates for us, silencing our "inner child'' and guarding ourselves, retreating behind "masked" barriers.

What are the signs of activity of the "inner child"? We know our "inner child" is active when we lose ourselves in frolic and fun, cry at a sentimental movie, over-indulge our own children,  enjoy playing with children's toys, love visiting Walt Disney World or other theme parks designed for children, seek out adult toys to play with, cry or grieve as adults for the losses we experienced in our past, still seek to please the senior members of our families of origin and our extended families, get sentimental looking at old photo albums, home movies or scrapbooks about our childhood. experience the same intensity of feeling we had as children as we role play or act out experiences from our past. 

I’m sure many of you have stories similar – growing up and taking part of the enjoyment of play. Somewhere down the line we forgot the importance of play.  We felt allowing ourselves to act freely wasn't “cool”.  Or simply we thought to ourselves, “I’m too old for that.”

Stop taking yourself too seriously.  Don’t be paranoid about what others may be thinking about you.  You will be wasting energy on the wrong things.  Be honest with yourself and just be you.  It’s all about being authentic and happy.

When the "inner child" climbed inside you it probably was hoping to hear I love you, I care about you and I accept you just the way you are, I am so proud of you and all that you are, I am so happy you are my child, you are so beautiful a attractive and  you are so bright and talented, you  are so artistic and creative, you are such a good worker, I am sorry I hurt you, I am sorry I neglected you, I am sorry I forgot you, I am sorry I ignored you, I am sorry I took you for granted, I am sorry I made you grow up so fast, I am sorry I had to rely on you so much. You can trust me to take care of you, you can trust me to be there for you, you can trust me to protect you from any hurt or pain, I will get help for myself and for the family.

Lost’s Challenge:Be courageous and make time to play. Play as if you were a kid again.  I know we all have our favorite games we used to play growing up. Or take your dog to the park and just run crazy. Allow people to think you are weird. Take your kids to the park and act just as goofy. When one suppresses emotions, there are obvious the negative consequences of suppressing the "inner child. When as adults we choose to suppress the memory, needs and desires of the "inner child" we run the risk of never learning how to feel normally, never learning how to play and have fun, never learning how to relax and manage stress, never learning how to appreciate life. We would rather work at living, taking ourselves too seriously, feeling guilty over not being good enough, driving ourselves to work harder to be good enough, you risk of becoming workaholics, even not enjoying our family life with our children, being suspicious of people who enjoy life, have fun and know how to play, social isolation, afraid to get involved with other people for fear we will be found out to be inadequate, not normal or a misfit. 

You can tell your "inner child" that it is OK to have the freedom to make choices for itself, be "selfish" and do the things you want to do, take the time to do the things you want to do, associate only with the people you want to associate with, accept some people and to reject others, give and accept love from others. allow someone else to care for you, enjoy the fruits of your labor with no guilt feelings, take time to play and have fun each day, not to be so serious, intense and inflexible about life, not always "serve" others, accept others "serving" you, be in charge of your life and not let others dictate to you, be honest with others about your thoughts and feelings, take risks and to suffer the positive or negative consequences of such risks.* Make mistakes, laugh at them and carry on. Let your imagination and creativity be set free and to soar with the eagles. cry, hurt and to be in pain as long as you share your feelings; do not repress or suppress them, be a problem solver and come up with solutions with which everyone may not agree. feel happiness, joy, excitement, pleasure and excitement about living. Feel down, blue, sad, anxious, upset and worried, as long as you share your feelings, be your "inner child" and to let it grow up, accept love, share feelings and enjoy pleasure and play. 

Oh! Love this version of Gotye tune!!! Rawrrrrrrr!!!

I am woman, dammit  Hear me roar,see me soar. Don't try to even the score and let the feelings hit the floor. I am woman,hear me roar! Oh, yeah meow! Ermmmm..pardon me! Lets try that again, shall we? Rawrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Yeah, I know the songs dark, maybe even slightly depressing,but fuk it! The remix is pretty kewl if you ask me. Oh, hell why are you going to lay down and let a situation or someone fuk up your vibe or mood. Don't fret over something you have no control over, and concentrate on the million and one things that you can do and change. I say this with with love and with the best of intentions, stop complaining and start putting up a fight for what you want and stop being a pansy assed about it, Vary!!!! Fuk me, I am still happy as fuk even if I am having a slightly shitty day, sue me!!!! Don't hate me cuz, I just don't give a fuk!!!It is always good:-) Muah,you love it!!! Mawahhhhhhhhh;-) So, kick your shoes off and come dance with me!!!!!

Imperfectly Perfect: Learning to love from a new perspective

Having not known each other personally prior to marrying, my parents have been married for over 42 years and seemly have an inseparable bound and share a love that has carried over a lifetime, extended past borders and three continents, even having help support and raise a family of five. And despite all the odds, have made seemingly impossible circumstances a success. Arrange marriages have been customary in many cultures and is still a practice that is prevalent even today in countries throughout Asia and maybe even the world. Having stumbled across an amazingly wonderful old candid interview with Lena Horne, she said, “I learned to love him over the 24 years we were together.” This is the maybe the first real time I have ever heard someone say that they were able to learn to love someone. To me it is somewhat of a foreign concept and being that I am an admitted die-hard optimist and a hopeful romantic and when it came to love, I have always allowed my heart to roam free; leading me astray sometimes unknowingly leaving my sensibility behind. And well as history serves as a reminder, it hasn't always served me well. Now as I am encroaching on the summit of turning 40, I find myself wondering, can you learn to love someone? Is it cheating yourself or ‘settling’ to be with someone who may be good for you in many ways but doesn’t pull on your heartstrings?

Growing up, I remember the first time I stumble across the romance genre. My parents sent me to stay at the house of a close family friend, a lovely couple with two young sons. The room which they prepared for me was towards the back of the house in one of the spare bedrooms where she had several stacks of novels many of which were what one would consider romance novels. I found myself filling the hours before bedtime engrossed in the torrid erotic tales of love affairs and scandalous rendezvous. I know what you maybe be thinking, ‘”romance novels, really?’”. Hey, I am not ashamed to say it but there have been some fairly stimulating storylines that fuel the overly active imagination of a very impressionable teenage. And I still from time to time enjoy reading romance novels because they are filled with passion and exhilarating moments that sent the heart racing with anticipation. 

I suppose we all have been influenced by many factors in our lives such as the big screen box office hits, novels, and even songs. Love a common theme is found in all in all aspects of popular culture. I have always felt that the only reason to marry someone was because you loved each other entirely and wanted to spend your lives together. Over the years I've learned that people marry for many reasons and some of those marriages are long term and “successful” even though there is little in the way of passion. 

Throughout our lifetimes, we seem to be falling in and out of love more times than we care to admit or even realize. Though sometimes through no fault of your own, we have found it difficult to let go of the fears and apprehension long enough to allow someone one close enough to let your guard down and trust someone. Maybe you've been hurt in the past and find it hard to completely trust someone. Or you may have never been in a relationship before and have no idea how to care and love someone. 

Lost’s Challenge: I have found it difficult to let go of my idealistic views on love and its correlation with chemistry and the need for compatibility in order for love to prosper and grow.My bittersweet experiences with love has taught me some lessons that sustainable loving relationships require far more than chemistry and passion, it requires patience and willingness to work towards a common goal despite rough patches and learning to recognise opportunites to find love. It's a challenge to learn to think outside the proverbial box. Could it be enough for someone to love and want to be with you more, than you want and love them? I have found some essential steps that will hopefully guide me as I attempt to view love in its natural form not from the rose tinted hourglass and to adapt to viewing it from a new perspective on trusting your partner and essentially learn to love.

• Forget the fear. Fear is arguably one of the most common reasons for not being able to accept peoples love or let them in. Don't let previous experience ruin what you have going learn from them don't forget them but don't let them stop you from enjoying yourself and finding future love. 

• Appreciate yourself. When dating someone with low self esteem it's quite obvious and in most cases its a turn off. However because of your low self esteem you often struggle to accept the fact people care about you because you don't care/ love yourself. 

• Give love a try. Be positive don't always think negative, not everyone has negative intentions, remember it nice to be loved it and it's nice to be cared for and looked after especially when some genuinely wants to do it. Let down some of your defenses, this may be difficult to begin with at first but it can be master with practice. 

• Share your feelings. Sharing your feelings is a great way of bonding with someone and a great way of building trust. When you share your fears and hopes with someone you care about your relationship often grows stronger and healthier as more of an understanding is built. 

• Remember at the end of the day by not letting your guard down every once and awhile and accepting people gestures and kind efforts toward you ultimately miss out. It's understandable that previous bad experience have made you think twice about peoples true motives but every it no bad and everyone deserves a chance.